chicken nugget

2009-11-11T08:02:00.001-05:00

ps: ive change my hp no.
friends, get it from me.
no longer using the old no.
9421....... yeah.
:)

afterall,its ashlynn cinta.. the one that u once adore , love , and hate.

2009-11-07T21:44:00.007-05:00

back from kenduri
(07-11-09)

my last entry post for this blog;
will be gone or away for good.
it hurts me to feel this pain again & again.
it hurts me to hear you say things again & again.
it hurts me to hear people say things this & that,
it hurts me to go through this again.
it seems like nothing can be better.

i dont wanna hear any story again.
i dont wana hear u dating or having one night stand with a girl.
you love ur girlfriend so much but ur leaving her bcos of people around.
thats ur reason.
and you dont even know whats have been really going on.

yes people, is my life.
i decide things, people can just give advise and cant force me to do this or that.

you just dont respect me.
call me names, as much as you or people around want.
call me a bitch, as much as you want.
a slut?
just name it.
shoot it, bring it on.

ive enough of all this thing.
my heart feel so pain, really painful.
hate me, love me?
you decide.

i wanna have a life with the one i love,
far away from all this thing.
who?
who can it be?
no one,? lifes still goes on.

i dont own any enemy in my life.
mark this;
i dont fall in love easily.
sorri people. this blog will be dead for now.
so long, goodbye.
xoxoxo

2009-11-07T01:38:00.003-05:00

time checked:
2:36pm.
its saturday today, a day that i gona thought i would spend my day with him earlier on but i guess i'll be rotting at home.
im stuck. i hate this feeling right now.
really.
i wanna feel the love that ive once had before for him.
i wanna go down the dancefloor.
and dance with you.

but im just totally speechless now.
i miss him.really.miss the old us.
i was just thinking,
what is he doing?
is he dating with girls?
holding hand and kissing with girls?
talking on the phone with girls?

hurt.
like totally.

and for your info people,
he wasen in a wrong.
maybe our thinking fo one another is different.
sigh.

dad off to work i guess.mum still at work.
and im at home with sister and babygirl.
i went to the doctor the other day,
and the doctor say that i have throut infection.lucky there wasen any sign of tb.
due to.
-smoking too much.
-drinking too much cold water.
-not enuff sleep.

i tell you, whenever im gona cough im gona have this fear feeling.
and ytd night, it was blood again.
it was painful.
zana was like yelling away and ask me to stop smoking.
but i ignore...
i refuse to eat my medicine too.
down with fever.

i'll be just fine.
and will me somewhere you can find.

2009-11-06T09:23:00.004-05:00

i just got back from plaza singapura , had dinner over secret r with family accept for dad.
Too full now, and feeling so angry and sad now.
ive just finish my conversation with mum.
and just as i got home,
i was shocked to see someone facebook, status appeared single.
personal msg,

Liars. hypocretes. used. mind gamed. play backed.

another.

my feels proves me right.

here i am,gona spend my time blogging before i go off.

People wonder, "are you still with roy", " is he ur boyfriend?"
proudly to say yes he is my boyfriend despite of all those up and down.
i am a very very strong girl indeed.
at times i do fall, i fall so hard but i keep feelings tomyself.
i got no one to turn too. ive lost alot of people.
i believe in love, u have to sacrifice something to gain something.
some people who are deeply in love even throw away everything they had in life just for the sake of their boyfriend or girlfriend.
and ive once even say to my friend about a friend who did dat,
" yela tgh bercinte mestila lupe kwn.cube kalau tk bercinta mesti carik kite balek".
you know, i always think that this people are silly and stupid.
but when it comes to me, for the first time in mylife.
i did that. I throw away push away all my friends.

well you can say, love is blind.

i got alot alot of bad feedback.
but i just smile and keep quiet.
at first i dont even care nor bother.
everyone thought i live happily ever after with my boyfriend.
you know, alot alot alot of people asked me this just as i started a new relationship with roy.
1. hey, da tak dgn fad?
2. hey da ade boyfriend baruu ehhhh.
3.lynn im happy to see u finally give someone a chance to be with you.

as you know, i never like dating.
i didnt even date with alot alot alot of guy.
but roy was there when i fall right after i break off with fad.
we are this lame called "ttm" before we're attached.
and we're attached on 211009.
we're so close, everything was going so well when we're friends.
when we're in terms of t.t.m.
but right after that,
things didnt stay as how it does during the first start.

theres alot of up n down.
i cried everynight.
i dont feel im appreciated.

at first, i was deeply inlove with him.
but im afraid to really commit bcos im afraid to feel the pain again.
i love him so so much.
but just as day passes by, things are going down the road.
we're getting real shaky.
just very very shaky.

but you know,
i keep things to myself .
i am a strong girl indeed.
you ppl can never know.

I did a mistake when i was with him.
i club with no permission , in silence and got caught.once.
i dance with a guy infront of him in anger. but i wasen officially his yet at that point of time.

this two mistake ive made is a very very very big mistake for him.
he always thought im a bitch ever since than.
he always think that i will bitch behind his back.
i'll turn slutty behind his back.
it hurts me so so somuch when my boyfriend always think im doing that thing that i didnt do at all.
i still smile, and laugh.
but deep down inside i cried.
hurt.
the cut was just so deep.

i dont feel that we're really boyfriend and girlfriend after all.
after thinking back and look at it.
i didnt give it a best shot.
but afterall, ive done alot of thing.
ive tried my best.
but not the very best.

i dont mind sacrifice-ing for someone i love , for someone i am with.
i dont mind getting all those bad name, bad feedback from people around.
yes it do hurt.
but i dont mind bcos im doing something for myself,
for my life.

yes, for those who know me well...
im well mixed with the people around me.
im used to be social.
im used to be around with guys, my guyfriends.
but the thinking that he have towerds me is just so wrong.
i dont bother about other people.
as i only bother about him.
but i dont feel appreacited by someone at all.

almost everyday, every second im with him.
i always got all those scolding,all those idiot words came from him.
a twinny winny thing can cause hatred feelings that he had fo me.

but i still smile and continue on breathing.

he told me.
he wanna be friends with me yesterday instead of being bf/gf.
he told me he wanna marry me last few days ago.
he used to tell me that no matter what, he still want to be with me.
we'll go through everything together and face every thing togather.
to even win my parents heart back.
and now, his status appear to be single in facebook .

and where should i stand now?
for once, it hurt me so deep.
so so deep.
i swear to god, ive tried my best.
i swear , i didnt even played behind his back.
but that dosen mean, im a great good girlfriend now.
if i am a greatgood girlfriend now, this wont happen.
and this mean, ive fail in love.

but yet till today,
he still think im like that.
im feeling so hurt now.
but i cant even cry.
it hurts just so so much.
yet very very deep.

to my dearest rofian if you are reading this.
i didnt expect ytd to be our last meet up maybe, i tot i have a great good night but indeed i was wrong.
maybe what u said once to me is true.
i dont deserve you.
you dont deserve to get all this pain from me.
ur facebook clearly show me that ure proud to be single.
a minit u call love, another minit u call hatred.

i dont wanna be ur enemy.
i dont wanna be a girl that u gona hate so much at the end of the day.

i dont wanna say much.
im speechless. im sad. im all torn apart. im angry. i dont feel appreciated.

honestly, i miss the first old us.
the lovey dovey us.

remember the first time i cried infront of you.?

maybe he wasen meant for me.
maybe i wasen meant for him.
but fo me, nothing in this world is impossible.
is whether we want it or not.

afterall,
i love you rofian.
afterall, ive tried my best to commit after i left fadhli.
i thought i would be a happy woman.
who gona leave happily ever after.
but im wrong.

i am not old lynn that people once knew when im with faizul for three years.
ive changed so much when im with fadhli after faizul left me. 1yr2mth with him.
and ive change alot and got a lot of improvement after fadhli left me when im with fian.

when fadhli left you,
you are a strong girl right lynn.
and now, im sure u can.

if you think im a bitch,
ure totally wrong.

im gona miss you.
miss the feeling of love.
a love on e dancefloor.

its complicated and confusing.
why.why.why.

2009-11-05T02:27:00.003-05:00

yesterday update.
since the girls wanted to meet shakz.. we went over for shakz arwah dad kenduri.
reach her place arnd 7pluspm waited and waited for munnie.
it have been some time we've last meet each other.
afah cuden make it. the rest didnt even contact nor bother.
and am glad dat shakz is doing kinda okayy.
a lil catch up.
and forever the non-stop laughing session.
not to forget dearest syaqinah was there too.
went off around nearly 11.
and shall meet up with the girls pretty soon,
but when.
:)
im always the free woman now.
maklumla tk bekerja mah now.
:)
i love and miss you girls so much.
pictures.

okay dah-dah.
dats all.
:)

like i always wonder, if this is really true love.
if this is really love.
whether u really love me.
vice versa.
it hurts me so much when i cried.
but i always told myself, everything will be okay.

you can never know how i feel deep down inside.
and maybe i dont feel you too.

ps: its blood again. i need the doctor.

2009-11-03T12:17:00.002-05:00

i was shock when i cough out and i saw blood.
yes blood.
red red blood,like alot.

2009-11-02T10:38:00.002-05:00

011109

was having gathering for granny 72th birthday on mum side.
and got a call from mama ati,
it was very shocked news tho that papa usop just pass away on that day.

may u rest in peace papa usop.
and the last time i see him and talked to him was on his 50th birthday.
he called me and talked to me regarding some family issue.
you know, they are the closest to mum and dad.
it was really sad tho.

i just got back.
im tired now and need some sleep.
Idk why his giving me attitude.
hurt.hurt.speechless.

btw to this someone,
i really really really hate you so much.
seriously i hate you.
all the best anyway.

girls, please take care of ur boyfriend.
dont let ur boyfriend play behind ur back or fuck other girls behind ur back.
does that call love then?

this dosen refer to my dearest .
but well this is common now adays .dont you think so?

2009-11-01T00:22:00.006-04:00

saturday.
he was working in saturday. and since his bike were park at my carpark..
and he have to go home to get his bike key and come down to my plc,
i pick him up under his void-deck.than bused down to my plc to take his bike.
it was raining cats n dog.
loud storm.
but still, i went over to his plc to pick him up.
and just b4 i left home,i was in tears.
i was so sad.
i dont feel appreciated at all.

friday.
Went out of the house at 4plus pm.
went to far east plaza and had early dinner at nana thai with dearest.
just as we step out far east, it was raining so heavily.
damn heavy i tell you.
and helmet were hang on dearest bike.
it means that, helmet gona be very very wet and full with rain water lor.
gah!
while waiting for the rain to stop, went over to ion armani exchange.
do some shopping there with dearest and somehow i am very very very geram giler to see theres another colour of the orange top that i bought at vivo ax. i tell you, vivo ax top will only display one colour while ion ax will have 2 - 3 colours . geram giler or what.
get a top at mng.thanks dearest.
and it was a last minit plan to hit the club.
friday night?i have to say my first time hiting the club on friday night.
hahahaah.

went off from town at 10plus .over to my plc to get my heels cause i was wearing high heel slippers.
then down to powerhouse.
it was raining heavily just as we reached kitchen station.
rainy day. bad day. but once we're in and we'r out, no more rain already.
so, it means that helmet are wet like againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
gahh!

went we're queing , i was happy that i hear rnb song cause we both tot that it gona be HIS song.
house. my godd. but when we're in,
told you. it was fucking bored cause it was halloween idk what.and the songs were damn bored accept for some song that we're deeply in loe happily dancing away.
dearest working-mate were inside there.met them forawhile b4 they went off.
left me and dearest.
dance, dance , dance.
arnd 2plus 3 we went off,getting bored with the song and the crowd.

yeah (:
i did enjoy my day with dearest.it was 4pm-4am day with him.
tiring and fun even tho at times it was
b
o
r
i
n
g
(:
been so long we've last spend our day like this.
only if the feelings would stay on,
it would be nice.
(:

thursday.
went out at 7plus pm to meet dearest at arab st since he'll be picking me from there.
got disturb by this cb keling pundek in e bus.
i was so scared i tell you.
dearest say i look diff and so wasen me on dat day.
(:
all those argument as usual.

wednesday.
went to find work over marina.
meet up with afah baby.
been so long than.
im so sorry honey.
i know what ure trying to say.
i feel guilty somehow,idk why.
:(

pictures with sister.

things are making me feel so lazy for now.
for this and that.
when can things end and get better.

sunday.
going off to granny plc over amk for some celebration.
cant wait !
(:

im feeling so giddy right now.

2009-10-30T03:13:00.002-04:00

maybe i deserve to face all this thing that had happen in n my life. Readers might always been wondering,"when can i see her happy.when can i see beautiful colours in her life n blog, her happy life and all". (: Readers who keep track about my life in my blog, previous blog and all those old blog.. people might say im a strong girl. But seriously, its never easy to face all this thing. The only person who can understand what i actually want and how much hurt or happy i am is only me. Sometimes in life, u just have to fake things .
Yes, i am very very very degil. I never give up on the things that i want.On the things that i want to find out . How silly or ugly i may look, i never ever give up.
Sampai org kate,"berbueh org nasihatkan kau tapi kau tknk dgr. Niairi kau ckp ni,tapi the next day kau buat lain". Alot alot of people say that to me. People who love me and dont want to see me suffer always gave advise.But it hurt and sadden them so much when i didnt even heed their advise.
And the silly thing that i've done recently is going m.i.a from everyone.
I know this is so hurtful.So not the right thing to do, i receive all those words like sombong la and all those etc from friends, i simply just ignore and just smile. Deep in my heart, i know what im doing.
People say,sometimes u need so sacrifices something in ur life to gain something.

Well yeah, things are making my head spin like hell right now.
But here im blogging,and smile-ing away looking back at how lifes have been for me.
(:
Right now, im half way through my journey. Sooner or later i know i'll get out from this trap oh feeling.

People change so much for love dosen they?
Love can always make us really go gugu-gaga right.
hmmmmmm.
ive quit all those silly things ive done before in the past.all those few years back.
I know, ive change alot .. in a way , a good thing in my life.
patience is there in me, i a am a very very very patience girl now.
instead of the used to be hot tempered lynn last time.
:)
but can you just see it.?
see what ive sacrifices and the changes in me.?
bad to good.
do you see that?
no ?
(:

how nice if you can see how my heart and the inner side of me is like.
sigh.
everyone make silly mistake.
and im not the kind of person who would stay, just want to make used of people.
or play arnd with people feelings.
that is so wasen me.
iloveyou..
i do.

hmmmm.
will be back alright.

2009-10-29T04:10:00.002-04:00

hello lovely-readers.
Sorry im so moody today and i got no mood to update.
maybe at the end of this week, or tomorrow or whatsoever than i'll find a time to update.

moody.
moody.
very moody.
like seriously,gahhhhhhh!!!

will be back anytime soon.
stay tune okay.

hello im ashlynn.
hehehhehehehe.

anw,
for those who've just broke-up with their boyfriend/girlfriend,
or for those who've just started of with a new relationship..
whats yours will always be yours.
and goodluck yea.
whats mine than?

2009-10-28T09:01:00.002-04:00

okay.hie.
im very very moody today.
i got no mood today.
at all.
really.
no mood.
no moood.
no mood!!!

anyway,
pictures of today.
i really need a new job!

anyway, ilove myhair alot.

2009-10-27T01:29:00.004-04:00

it hurt me so much when u say,
" lucky ure not my girlfriend now "
tears fall right after u said that, and i just cant stop crying and crying.
why? why now, why the sudden words?
everything was going smoothly.
and i am trying my best to bring us back.

ive just mention..
it have been so long uve last tell me u misses me so much,
i was very very happy you know.
even tho i am very very sad in the inside.
i miss everything about you.
but now you said that on the phone directly like that.
what are you trying to say?
trying to tell me?
when u change ur status to single,right till now,
do u really mean it right after what uve said to me baby?

what else im supposed to do after all of the things that ive done and sacrifice alot just for you and our relationship.?
i didnt asked much, but cant you even just see what ive done?
see the change in me baby?

what you've been thinking about me is just so so wrong baby.
i didnt even fling behind ur back or have any intention of doing that.
baby, its something that i really didnt do.
figure out what is going on.

it hurts me really.
and i just cant stop crying now.
no one, can feel what i really feel deep inside my heart.
what i really been through.

when im sad, and cry and cry and cry.
i dont even have a shoulder to lean on even tho ure by my side, even ure on the phone.

im sad.

2009-10-26T02:04:00.003-04:00

sometimes , some people are proud to say that they are single when they are actually attached. and sometimes, some people are proud to say that they are single right after break up.

true or not.
this thing have been coming across me recently when i just realize this shit is true.

anyway, i always wanted to go to blogger.
and continue blogging.
but something is pulling me BACK..
than when i wanna start blogging or updating, i'll go blank!
really. haiya...
but
sooner or later,
i'll be back blogging okay.
for sure i will.

:)

anyway, it have been sometime..
ive last hear him say..
he misses me.
and somehow when he say,
"u jgn nak mentel eh" otf few minits ago was cute.
been so long than.
will things be back like per-normal?

2009-10-24T07:03:00.003-04:00

as u can see my blog are no longer private now.
and anyway, im back from OVERSEAS?HAHAHA!

will update soon.

2009-10-20T04:08:00.003-04:00

many things happen along the way.
too many things to note down, just too many things.
whats life without all those ups and down.
but mine was terrible. i just dont know how to explain.
maybe im the one who put myself in a mess.
things just wont end.

relationship.
tomorrow marked our 1monthsary.
yeah , just a new born baby. for you, 1monthsary might be like, "alaaahhh kental nye baru 1mth". but seriously, being ttm is much more diff when we're togather.
many many things happen in our relationship.
good to bad.
bad to good.
good to bad.
bad to worse.
just so many ups and down. And through all those ups and down, i cant deny that my relationship with roy is much much way different from what i ever experience.
u might say im silly , to continue this relationship or whatever. But you people cant never know what i feel. We are really in a rocky right now. I was in anger and cant tolerate much more ytd to even asked for a break-up.

look at my life now.
i feel as if i have nobody, bcos he have always be there for me.
i lost alot of friends.
family? i dont wanna say much abt that.

eVerything i do, reminds me of him.
Here and there, on the road. EVerywhere. Even food, my room. anywhere name it, we are always togather at once second and cant eVen let go of each other for a minit.
now things is fading away,

im left with nothing.
and i need an air to breathe. i need some place to be alone for the time being.
im just lost. and i dont know whats my life gona be in time to come.

i dont need another men.
or search for another men,
eVen tho if we're really seperated,
losing alot of people..
i just wanna be alone.

to my dearest boyfriend.

u can haVe every words.

but i just wanna tell you that..

when im with u, im totally someone different.

and ive never eVer gaVe up tho we been tru alot of things.

but if u think, there's someone else deserVe you.

rather than me.

tell me.

i'll be just fine.

and to all those msges that ive sent to my friends earlier on,

im not going abroad or whateVer.

but do remember me when im gone.

misses.

and on the other hand,

ive quit my job.

6mth ive been over dhl.

for sure, im gona miss everyone there.

2009-10-06T07:09:00.002-04:00

i just feel that this keepon happening again and again.Things are getting much more worser for me. Never been good or better.
I know, ive been going m.i.a from everyone.
Can i just say i miss everyone of you.
im so sorry.

Things are changing now.Just everything.
I just feel that im lost right now.
like totally.

Crying wont solve any problem.
But thats the least i can do. Am just feeling totally restless.
cant even think.

i'll be just fine . pretending im not.
Worse come to worse,
im still with my boyfriend, dearest muhammad rofian.
<33

my life are like those movie drama.
:(

2009-09-26T09:23:00.002-04:00

kepada semua org-org yang selalu pegi kat website ni tapi tkde update je kan, mintak maaf ye banyak-banyak. kite busy keje la awak, plus comp down laa (:
so sinceee saye skg da kat page niii, saye blog sikit-sikit okayy (: sorryyy yee .hehehe

time checked: 9:32pm
im over at fadilah , cousin place for jalan rayaaaa. Her new born baby was cute.alhamdulillahhh (:

short n simple; life have been up and down. But im still with baby of cause. Actually i got lotsaaaa things to update but im rushing here. Cant wait to meet baby later for midnight movieeee!!!!!! yey yey yey!!
and i hope everything gona be fine between you & me.

b, i love youuu sooo soo much k .

dont leave me.

and to all, thanks for ur wishes.

2009-09-22T12:22:00.006-04:00

time checked:1250am now.
blogger its being a bitch and facebook is being like pussy.
just lag like hell.

i just got from work at 1150 around there.Am just totally shagged now. I force myself to go to work.My mind was just being disturbed. It been so long i felt crazy. Crazy over love, love like this that i have. It seems like boyfriend is leaving me. He've been ignoring my msges and call and im just really sad and just veryvery sad. At times i just cant forgive myself for hurting him. But ive realise my mistake. I love him so much. And when im starting to change, things just wont allow me to prove to the other party that i can be a good gf in my next r's. Sigh.what im suppose to do now?

im having a badheadache now.
just too much thinking, worries and feeling guilty plus stress.
seriously it have been long, since ive last felt this way.

i was early for work just now.
reason bcos i cabbed down to pasir ris and took the train frm there to my work place. My colleage have been asking me, why i look so tired and sad. I didnt even talk to any of them accept for cheryl. When they asked me, i just keep quiet and do my work.I was on my mp3 all the way from 6-8.00. can u just imagine that. the more im feeling giddy than.

calls and msges have yet to be reply from dearest.
im just so sad.
i talked to cheryl, told her how much i miss him. been talking abt him and i just do feel good. I feel like going out from work, just so stress on it.
but still, at the end of the day; i smile bcos i manage to hit my target .
0.72 and its already above 0.7
im happy for myself and hopefully i can do better.

Went out of work at 1045am alone,
just when i went step out..i just hope that i will be seeing a gileria bike waiting for me.
my baby. :(
but nahh :(
walk home alone while cheryl stay and went home with the rest of my working mate.

the train.
the bus ride just make me feel giddy.
the mp3 song that is played, make me feel just so sad,

and whenever i checked my hp,
no msges or call from him.
:(

what should i do now?
its this going away baby.
:(
please forgive me. i need you.

:(
anyway, heres a lil update b4 im off to bad.i cant tolerate this stupid headache already.
1st day of raya, was okay. I didnt get much duit raya. Dosen even reach 20bucks okay! :( but im happy when i was over amk, mum side. all those kecoh sedare-mare and all my cousin. Kecoh gilerrrrr. and kak enna and boiboi was there.!
very happy!.

than off to bukit batok.dad side.
nothing much.im not close with them. And my mood was totally down.
actually i dont feel like celebrating raya. i mean, the mood wasen really there.
than, thats all.
im lazy to update.
and i guess that will be all.
pictures.

done.
baby,please forgive me.

Muhammad Rofian .baby i love you!but i refuse to stay...paying for HIS mistakes.

facebook. what you mean by this.
and girls been giving you weird comment on facebook.
tell me .
whats next.
iloveyou.please.

2009-09-22T01:37:00.002-04:00

Love like this.
This might be a shocking news to some of you. That you can never imagine that we can be together. And so here is the story ,that im gona update . It might be kinda long post and if you people think its gona be a waste of time reading, click the x button on the right hand side okay. (:
As mention, this guy here i know was four years back than. To make it short, we keepon lost contact here and there and yeah, we kip in contact back like again starting from this year.and only get to see each other and getting closer and closer this year.
all along, we're just like girlfriend and boyfriend.
we're like , what you called it, ttm?yeah.
but we wasen officially together.

At the first starting, it was hard for me to love someone.
After the ex boyfriend leave me. i told myself i wont allow another men to enter my life.
but i was wrong.
I only decided to meet him, this year . and yeah, i still remember i cry like mad when i was talking to him when the ex bf says shit that hurt me so deep. The beginning of our contact. he was there, there for me and talked to me. I went out with him and his friends and my friends, sheesha, clubbing,chill.name it just everywhere ..

Sooner or later, the love started to develop.
Our relationship started to get closer.
But fighting is a never ending story in our relationship that's called ttm.
i cant lie to myself that at times i dont know when this gona end,
he love me just so much.
he love me just so deep.
and honestly, the love is just right infront of my eyes . i could see the love the he had for me.Its so clear and just soo.....

yes.
i hate everyday fighting.
small twinny winnie thingy. I hate it so much. But how hard we fought and stuff like that, my love for him stays. I love him and yes i really do.
The ex boyfriend u see came poping up here and there, like ive once ever mention; i only want him to learn his mistake. I want him to know how to treasure the one that love him.
And at the end of the day, amin... he realise it.
im satisfied. But nothing can bring us back. I know many of u might think we'll be back together knowing that he've realise his mistake and stuff like that.. Its true that u can never know, i can never kno w who is the men im gona be with at the end of the day.

But it can never be fadhli.
Because the love wasen there. Like ive told you, its fading at the first sight. And its gona right now. Everything is just memories now, and i'll leave it just memories for us.

My love towerds rofian.
i cant describe it. i love being in his arms. The love that he've gaven me is just so different from what ive ever feel.He's just so sweet and romantic when it comes to love.but at times, i was thinking." does he really love me?" "do he have girls everywhere as in GIRLS not girlfriends(kawan perempuan)". that kind of thing.
But i know, i trusted him.
For all along 6-7 weve been ttm,
sometime ive longg to be his.

the men that love me just so much,and just so deep is just right infront of me.
I know, we always fight over small thing.
Be it like reply to guys text, or whatever that related to guys.
even tho sometimes mum says,"nk marah/attention ikot tempat"
i know he is like that because he love me so much.
and all those fighting things come from me.
sigh...

saturday.
the day when i told him, im letting he go.
its a mistake that ive made.
i feel so uneasy than. guilty and regret..is all over me.
he ignore all my text/call till the next day.

21/09/09
was first day of raya. you know, i cant take it anymore and decided to give him a call then.he picked up, and i told him how much i misses him . you know, the feeling of love and miss is just very strong.
and i meet him at bukit batok at night.
and he come over to my place.
and we wend down to macdonald.

and half way tru under my void-deck,
he hug me.
i hug him so tight and i just feel so guilty and angry for my wrong doing all this while.
i hug him so tight.and he whisper to my ears saying that he love me.
i almost cry but i hold my tears.
i didnt let him go , and when i hug hi m and look into his eyes..
that is when he propose me to be his girlfriend.
i hug him tightly,tears really going to roll down from my eyes you know.
i was just so happy. happy that i cant even look at him.
i swear i was feeling over the moon that point of time..

and now i have someone to be call my boyfriend.
its a new life and a new beginning for me than.
i leave all my past and everything behind and its the story of me and him now.
will we last?
will history repeat?

and now,
my dearest boy is far away from me now.
after knowing abt the ex bf thingy.
:(
to my dearest muhammad rofian,
i love you so much.just so muchhhh. I know you love me baby. please dont leave me. and i never want to leave you. I know ive do alot of shit that hurt you, and now it seems that u cant forgive me. I want to be with you, not other guys or fadhli or whoever. I want a new life and new beginning with you. I wanna sooth ure pain, i wanna make u feel love and just everything. Please forgive me. Its just ytd ....
am i still ure girlfriend?
:(
im sorry baby.please forgive me.

2009-09-21T10:44:00.002-04:00

salam lebaran buat semuaaaaa.
:)
will update soon okay.very tired now and sleepy.

anw guess what.

21/09/09
:)

i love myboyfriend.
his mine, and im his now.
:)
will update soon (:
yes,iloveyourofian.

2009-09-19T09:05:00.002-04:00

im sorry and i know this is the first time im saying that im letting you go.
its not that i want it but i have too.
i dont wana say things again & again because im getting sick of saying it again & again.
things just wont get over and done, but things will always keepon repeating and the reason will always bcos of me.
i know u wanna feel love over a minor or a small tweenie minny thing.
it was good enough that i didnt play you out.
reason of our fighting is always bcos of me.
simple mistake like guys who comment me of fb tagged, smses , saw outside will be a mistake too.
im tired.tried of all this.
i wanna be happy and love.
and yesh, i know we're not string attach but we're just like bf/gf .

its true i'll regret
bcos u are the men who love me just so much and i bet i cant find a man who loves me so much like you.
its bcos of ure attitude i dont like it.

there's just so many memories of us.
be it here or there.
everywhere, there will be us.

i dont know if we'll see each other again in future.
but i hope u'll find a gal dat is ure cup of tea.
someone who can gave u whatever you want.
esp love and attention.
im not like you.

but remember, who say i dont love this boy call muhammad rofian.
i love him so much but not so deep.

its never easy love.
this happen before raya.
im so sorry.

:(
to all, slamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin.
salah silap, terkasa bahase ke..mintak maaf byk2 yer.
:)

2009-09-18T01:53:00.002-04:00

last year.
i hope everything will be fine.
lagu raya is up;this are my fav lagu raya.
sedih okay.
:)

2009-09-15T01:51:00.002-04:00

i really dont know whats happening now.
and i lost the mood to raya.
and maybe im not gona raya this year.
i just hate to see his face
am sorry.

be strong mum.
i'll always be by urside.

i just cant stop crying.
call me emotional or whateverr you want.
im just too sad and too stress about this and dearest mum.

iloveyou.

2009-09-13T16:56:00.002-04:00

like i said, there's still things that i still need to find about you.
and im glad that mum are much much much much more closer with me now on hearing my problems that i got with you. how do i face it and whats in my heart.
and if you people notice something if you read my blog and keep track on my entry,
i am a very very very fickle minded person.
just very.
and i am very weak, easy to forgive people.
but on the other hand, im strong too at times.
alaah whatever la.
but really,
i dont give a damn about guys now adays. you wanna leave, gooo! you wana stay, than stay. im not gona force.
further more,
who say woman cant survive without guys.
winkwink.
anyway, HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY TO SAFARI!
:)

2009-09-12T03:34:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my off day. So instead of staying at home, i decided to go bugis to jalan-jalan with sister. Since mum finished work at 5.30pm and dad is working night shift , i asked mum out too.So me n sister meet mummy at bugis junction around 6.45pm (:
My plan was to get heels somewhere charles and keith for raya and my raya bag which actually this bag at forever 21. So since nothing caught my eyes there, bugis just nothing much.. we just jalan2 only.
Sister break fast at raffles banquet , and i had nasi ayam for me.
Bugis was pack ytd. bcos of the bazaar i think.
we tot of dropping there but nahhhhh too lazy .

time checked was 9pluspm.
i was mumbling bcos mr rofian keepon sms-ing me things that sakitkan hati you know.
and mum keepon saying , "alaahh buat bodo je la dgn dier.dier tu angin"
and he still can tell me, " i wanna go meet chicks la ok"
wahhhhh.
drop by OG bugis and thats when i finish my cash there,bought the guess bag and i wanted to get my ck perfume . i tell you, i was very piss la okay. I just bought it like last month and now finish already bcos zana used it everyday laa.kanasai right.
for me, i need bodyspray and perfume and its a must for me.
in the end, i just got myself this bodyspray and afah shud know what is it.
:)
even tho fian seh, "bauuu vs punye mcm bau pompan pelacur" bcos most of the bapok he know use it mahhh.

after that,when to bugis street bk there.
and this someone plan wanted to surprise me with mum pon bocuii lor.
hahaha.
and i saw mr rofian sitting outside bk .
so mum n rofian plan this ahh.
terimekasih byk2 ehhh.
no wonder, nak jumpe chicks.
so im e chicks or what?
urghhhH!

cab down to mustafa.
for my FINALLY THOSAI!
YEYYYYYYYY!
and blablablaaa reached home around 10plus.

my dearest mr rofian shave off his hair right i tell you.
but still got hair la abit2 yg kat atas tuu.
so here it is...

tadaaa!
he look so "boy" right. and thats what mum said lor.
haha.
today is saturday.it seems like the buke puasa outing with the mighty are cancel.
and tomorrow is CLEANING DAAYYYYYYYY with the family.
and next week mon-fri i'll be working full from 5pm-11pm.
take note okay babygirls.
saturday eve of raya.
sunday, hari raya?
:)

all the girls mesti da nak highlight rambot laaa reborn la kan.
i plan to highlight you know but cancel, im dying black.
:)

till than,
=))

2009-09-09T05:56:00.003-04:00

i was thinking about two dearest people.
someone that have gone far far away from my life.
A friend , that will always be close to heart..
i miss her.
i miss him.
and i know nothing can bring them back.If one day i have a chance to seek for forgiveness, i would.Even tho it wasen my mistake that things are gone, i would want to seek for forgiveness.
ilovethemsosomuch.
and i miss them like..only god knows how much i miss them .

Yesterday, my heart was torn into pieces when i read the msg that you send to someone.
asking people, would you be mine.
and you say that, that was just a joke.
maybe i dont know the real you yet.Because i know there's things that i still need to find about you.
This was the second time. But i was telling myself, if really we're not meant for each other and you would really want to go away from me and you reallyreallyreally mean it, i wont stop you.
You told me about my mistake than, about me dancing with guys infront of you in club.
You told me how hurt you feel when you saw the picture of me taken with my bestfriend.
i truely know how you feel, but i have my own limit.
i dont asked someone to be mine. Or even confess to someone else that i love someone else or whatever. i dont know but im just confuse.im hurt. and i just feel that there's something about you that i dont know..
But i know deep down inside you love me.
i forgive you, and i hope you forgive me too for all my mistake that ive hurt you, like you said...
just so deep.
is there still hope?

To the dearest exboyfriend.
many people think that we'll be back. How nice if we can but i doubt i cant give him any try in future.
he did claim that he regret, he dont want me to go away from his life.
im glad that somehow god do hear my prayers.
his eyes are wide open now.
and that is all i ever want and asked for.
i just want him to know that i love him so much. so much that anything else when we're togather for 16mth. I just want him to realize his mistake. and im happy and sastified, somehow he's realizing it now one by one.
Fadhli, i know you can never read this.
i just wanna say, treasure the gal that love you so deep down inside now . She's just right infront of ur eyes now, and its no longer me. Things are going far far apart now. I cant deny that i miss youu at times. i miss the old us. But life move on for us. We're all grown up now...Even if one day we're togather, in future yes or no, im sure i cant give you what ive gaven you before.and everything will just be back to square one.& It wont be the same like it was before...
i wanna see you happy remember?
i dont wanna see you suffer.
therefore, im drifting away from you now. Its not that i purposely leave you knowing that ure in dilema and what so ever, but i have to. :)

To dearest mr fizzow.
Im sorry. I just dont feel the love. And i know uve always been showing ure care and concern to me. I can see that ure trying ur best tho at times.
i know ure a nice great men even tho we might not know each other for long.
But for me, i cant be with someone new.
Even if rofian left me, i cant because.....
you wont know what im feeling.
i know i didnt give you any hope.
and i like i told you before, its not that i dont wanna start a new chapter . its just that i cant.
maybe i cant give myself another try now.

i wanna be a happy happy girl.
you if think that im strong enough to face all this, its easier to be said than done.
my love life is becoming like one drama now.
and i told someone,
" i think i can write a story in a book about my experience in love."
at times its very challenging .
but well, life.
u can never run from reality.

time checked: 8:06pm
im supposed to work just now but last minit they say no need to come.
and im going out later. waiting for someone to fetch me, idk what took him so long.
next week, i might be working fullshift already.
and looking at the calender, NEXT WEEK DA HARI RAYA ALREADY LOR.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
=)

2009-09-08T02:16:00.004-04:00

Sunday.
i was toasting on bed till 6plus am until i receive a call from rofian. And as you know, we have been shaky. Less communication and everything was drifting apart. I didnt give a call like i always do and stuff like that. He called me at 630am, and he say he wanna meet me bcos his at TOA PA YOH.
and i know he've make a mistake. thats why he wanna come and meet me.
his like that,so far if he is guilty and everythg he'll tell me.

i came down n meet him.
on what he've told me, i was very very very very upset.
yet till now idk whether its true or not.
baik2 puase, i keepon smoking to kill the airrrr errrr. mengamok la kan.
than he hug me and i cried.

its not that i dont love him.
we spend alot of good great time 2gather.
its just that his attitude.
my attitude.
just two diff world cant click.

everything was gg smooth after that.
went up arnd 8plus. than 10plus me n fian accompany mum to geylang.
finally got my 2 baju rayaaa.
was having fun.
esp when mum was inside rh collectioon for nearly 1 hr or plus?
mum talking to the sales girl: lawa tk.jappp eh i nk kluar nak tunjuk anak boy i kat luar dulu.

alaah gerammmm!
mummy love fian so much.
ermmmm.

last2 go to pasar geylang than cab back down to hougang.
fian wanna cut his hair.
so, take his last picture with his highlighted hair since he start working with his dad on monday which is ytd.

tadaaa!
and when he shave his hair off.
i cant stop looking at him. he loook so like badboy you know. he look better and smart!
really.
i dont have the picture with me.
:)
at night,
that was when things get shaky.

he saw the picture of me and my bestfriend.
he was against it. he call me this and that.
even tho i feel that, mcm merepek dier marah.
but i truely understand his feelings.
its okay. i dont know whats next.
he told me he'll be meeting me later , i mean err after work.
we shall see whats next.

the ex bf text me the other time saying,
" please jgn pegi jauh dari hidup i lynn.i maseh perlukan you"
okay i know this is so melayu. but errrrrr...i just find that that is just words.
;)
im off to bath than work.
pay day ! yey yey yey!
=)

2009-09-07T02:15:00.002-04:00

only if you know what im going through,
see the feelings , us , goodterms?just wont stay long.
will be back for a proper update once im free.
takecare people.

2009-09-06T13:15:00.000-04:00

he is still there.
and im still loving him.
complicated people? you'll never understand until the truth is out one day.

iloveyou.

2009-09-06T10:57:00.001-04:00

space.
i need space.

2009-09-03T13:40:00.002-04:00

time checked: 1:39am.
i got back from work at 12.15am.
just as i reach my doorstep,
i hear screaming like, "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"
i was fucking shocked i tell you.
imagine la, 3 bitch screaming like mad.
macam nampak hantu pulak ehhh.lol.
check-check, zana friends are watching wujud 3 with mummy.
yek elehhh (:

i was very disappointed with work just now.i really thought i could aim my target 0.7 but end up i only get 0.66 after all those fast typing speed.i was like telling myself, "brape laju lagik ni aku nk kene type". very very disappointed i tell you.
anyway, to dear fizz; im sorry if whatever i said in blog or whatever hurt you. im so sorry. i really dont know la but im just really sorry okay.
sigh.

i planned to find a new job soon after raya. Maybe back on retail line. Maybe.idk. But i just really think that i need a new job. and anw, im loving my colleague at work .
the hi ace girls, cheryl, farhana,aniqah,lenny,and siti
:)
maybe we shall have a chill session okay.
again , im the planner!
urgh!

you know,
ive been missing alot of people.
ive been wanting to meet them but i just feeling-feeling busywoman la kadang2 kan.
like zulfadli, anna bona, my dear apishfarrell, my dear elle ervina.
i promise i'll meet you guys soon. just very very soon okay.
and to anna bona,
aku ni feeling2 busywoman aje la dol
lol!
miss you!

im dying my hair black dis weekend.
and im getting it highlighted next week, most probably after i get my pay.
yey!

its 1:52am now,
i think that will be all .
i wanna have some rest now and off to sleep.
im totally t i r e d okayyyy! very! and am working tomorrow !
that will be all than.
nights sayang-sayang.
:)

me : zana, tadi g geylang ade belikan i ayam percet and charkueh tak?
zana: alamak lupee laa!
me : alaahhhhh.
mummy: i belikan you tuuu. i tau u suke, tadi walk pass geylang nampak charkueh i buy for you pasal i know you suke.see i automatic kan.
me: beli eh? yey!! terime kaseh la banyak-banyak!
mummy : abeh tadi kat keje buke ape?
me: urm. biscuit pocky aje.
mummy: wahh tu je?boleh kurus la you nampak nye nanti. Puase. abehhhh sahur pon tk.makan nasi pon tk byk kadang2 tk mkn.
me : eh boleh kurus eh?

BOLEH KURUS KE?
nak kurus!
im stress about my fats now.
really! stress so much about it.

2009-09-02T11:17:00.003-04:00

Here's a story about a guy that ive been seeing this few month.
:)
okay to get it started, he is roy. But i prefer to call him fian instead.(: This guy, i know him last few years back when i was ermmm....15years old?
Yup. he was my online friend you know. Last time, we did keep in contact. Somehow, we're very very very close that point of time. He have always be my "phone friend" and at that point of time maybe we're into each other. Something like that. Haha.Silly.
But than, we lost in contact when i was with maman after breaking up with faizul. You know, he was just my msn buddy and my phone buddy.So feeling-feeling there only okay.
:)
He wanted to meet me alot of time. But well, knowing im attach and ups n down during my r's. I didnt. Didnt at all till he's attached . And yeah, we didnt talked much on msn neither do we still contact tru phone.
So he have been appearing online and offline in my msn.
but i didnt care at all.
like you know, when u people see me online at msn and ignore?
hehehehehehe.

Till this year, we keep in contact somehow tru msn.
And we become close back like before.
and im nineteen this year.and he's 23 this year.
So long after four years.
:)

he came when fadhli left me in the month of feb.
He was there for me, still on the phone.
i remember, i cry like mad . He was there consolling me and stuff like that.
And we decided only to meet up somewhere during march i think.Im not so sure.
So long after 4 years, he said.

Our friendship started to get close and closer ever since we meet.
A stranger, to a friend, a friend to closer friend..and more more closer now.

As time goes by, we're togather.
But we're not string attached.
The feeling of love started to develop, just everything.

He love me so much.So deep.
But he always told me that he didnt feel the love that i had for him.
He always complain that whatever ive gaven fadhli, the concern love and everything..
didnt have on him.
Its not that i dont want, maybe i just cant or its a matter of time.

Everyone knows how much im deeply inlove with the ex boyfriend.
right?
:)

Roy have always been a nice guy.
He love me so much...
.....
just so deep,
till he became toooooo possesive, im not comfortable with that.
really.
Everything i do , seems to be a heartaching thingy for him.
Everything i do seems to be so wrong.

And that is where,
everyday fight keepon happening.
everyday misunderstanding.
more to come, even vulgarities .
pushing.
and screaming.

i dont know where ive gone wrong.
But i know, he dont like the way i are.
Both fian and me got two different concept.
and that is where, we notice that we cant click.

I cant deny that i love himmm.
he is just so sweet at times.
and at that point of time, wherever we go ..we'll always stick togather.
likewise, clubbing?wherever i club,
he'll always be there.

Things happen.
everyday misunderstanding.
fighting.
make our love fade towerds each other.

For once, my feelings towerds him is fading.
But i cant lie to myself that..
i just feel that i can love nobody like how much ive deeply inlove with fadhli.

Vulgarities hurt me so much.
The way he treat me.
i just cant take it anymore.
and that is when i started to drift apart bit by bit from him.
Theres so many memories.
But maybe we arent meant for each other.

im not a baby.
i know what im doing.
i know what im doing is right or wrong.
i want people to respect me.
i want a happy life.
thats all.

i have my family and friends around me .
i have my work to do, and still searching for a good work.
i dont wanna feel as if im under control.
i still wanna enjoy life.
name it, club.drink or whatever.
i have my limits.

mind you,
im not a bitch like all those bitches at the lorong.
I have my dreams, and target in life.
i have my responsibilities.

just this and that.
and i cant ran away from problem that im facing.

its hurting at times.
knowing that i always hurt you, and presure youuu like uve mention..
i have feelings when u said that.
i really dont know whats next.

i just need air to breathe now.
and space.
its fading now, or can i say its gone.
remember, i do love you.
but.........

time checked: 11:44pm.
i guess im going offline for awhile and back online in e morning.
(:
so long..
much love!

working tomorrow and friday.
:)

2009-09-02T06:43:00.002-04:00

ive been fasting for urm 4days already and im very happy.
due to menses, thats e reason why i didnt puasa for the first few days.
:)

im craving for shaker fries.
urm plus dengdeng.
plus ayam percet.
plus plus, urm cheeseburger.
can someone get me any of this?
(:

time checked: 6:45pm.
feeling so fresh now.

:)

2009-08-29T02:53:00.002-04:00

i dont know when i can really WOKE UP and stand up and tell myself,
" okay.ive to stop all this fucking shit".
i think i know whyyyy my friends is angry with me for my
kepale ade batu thingy.

its just not easy.
and i badly want to end this.
sigh.
but.....
just alot of but.but and but.

lynn, lynn.
tsktsktsk

anw, i have fun sahur-ing with kin & aminah.
:)
anw, happy 19th birthday kin!
love korg-korg still.
:)
too many things to catch up with aminah until i feel so lazy to tell her stories on what have bee happening.
hah

2009-08-25T06:38:00.002-04:00

love is fading.

tell me how about that, if someone say that to you again & again.
love?ape eh love?
=)

2009-08-21T03:26:00.011-04:00

so here it goes, my blog is finely private now.
so i can just blog according to what i like and everything.:)
and you know, my blog i know there's so many unwanted ppl who read.
l
errr yes dats why im privatising it..
and even if i were to unprivate this blog one day.im sure they gona go to you know add in all those code upstairs to archieve and all.

(:
so yeah.

the other day i was on webcam with apish bestfriend.
and he just look so mat with his kening and i like to disturb him you know.
but i cant deny la dat sometimes he look hensem.
sometime aje.
LOL!!!!!
so here are the webcam pictures.
lol.

okay dat will be all.
and that boy paitau me when i wanna meet him up. betol-betol mcm cheebye.Part i cannot he can, part i can he cannot.always like dat! aiyaaaa.:)

yesterday, thursday.
i finally visit granny over at amk with mum and sister.
it have been so long since we've last visited her due to certain matter.
i miss her just so much you know.
of cause, im close to her and miss herr so muchhh.
and when i went der, my auntie was there.
u know, beside mummy side.. there's only like 5 family.
and im close with most of them and all the aunties and uncle that never look down on me .
or talk bad about me unlike so other "relative".
:)

okay la see up there. i told you right im putting on weigght.
my face. and arms all FATS. everywhere FATS.
stress nye akuuuuuuu!! and ytd i bought this black hair dye.
idk when to dye it black bcos i know im gona get my hair highlighted soonnn.
and see, my hair grow long already. :)
tapi mcm feeling-feeling nk cut pon ader.errr.
:)

wednesday.
went to ion for actually this job walk in.
but than, tak jadi.
so me n afah baby slack at lido mac thereeee and chill until 6plus pm then we both went off to our own seperate ways.

and to my dear afah baby,
thanks so much for everything.
for every single thing.
like seriously,
i love you just so much okayyy.
and , bf kau pon da nak baleekkk kan. happy-happy selalu eyy.
:)

anyway, on last friday. The ex boyfriend come and meet me over my crib. & you know, errrr i told myself how im gona face him and all. Firstly he come with reason . So yeah, just when he step in my hs, i was still dolling up going to fetch babygirl over serangoon. SO this mr mcm buat rumah sendiri karoake terpekik terlolong gituhhh. and you know , my cd karaoke right.. dier yg slalu susun tauu. den when he open it , its like all mix up ..and he said,
"ni sape ni karaoke tk tau nk simpan balek. tk tau simplan jgn karaoke laaa. buat penat je org susun" than he laugh. You know what im trying to say?bcos he know my friends, roy and all come karaoke what... and i tell you ahhh, the feelings that i have apon looking at hime is like, " errrrrrrr kite da mcm kawan"... but sadly, we feel as if we're friends now you know.

he offered me, sending me over to serangoon. And errr, ya i ride on his bike. And that bike of his used to you know belongggg to only ME. But i know his gf or whoever ride on it already. And than when he open his box, i saw my helmet.i was so fucking sad i tell you. until i say, " wahhhhh ni helmet mcm kenal. rinduuu sehh.mesti pompan2 laen da pakai"..den i jst smilee..

he send me over to serangoon. take babygirl , and you know babygirl and this ex bf are so close you knoww. very very very close.
and i can see that they both misses each other so much. im so sad ok. just very sad. but i pretend nothing happennn.

i went off by cab. he say he wanna go home already.
and suddenly, when i turn behinde he was like tailing me.
i signal and asked him, ""nak pegi mane?"""
den he say, he's follwoing me back home.
:)

releks.
we're nt togather okay.
and you know to my surpise, when i drop off the cab.. i saw mum.
mum saw the ex bf. she was like yelling why his here and all. urghhhhhhhhh.and mum askd him to come up.

they had their conversation.
the conversation was just so sad.
i feel the hurt but somehow im cool with it.
just as he wnet off and say some words to my mum,
i know he wanna cry.
and when i send him off,
he cried and he leave.

you know boy, i just hope that ure happy with you life now.
I know you love my family, like u said.
and you know how does my family treat you.
we're just so close.
remember all those car ride, lorry ride. Almost all my cousin, my aunties and uncle all know youuu.
seriously, i just hope that u wont regret.
Since u declare to my mum dat ure attached , i know somehow ure making this decision mcm ter ragu2. i know thebest thing about you fadhli.
u can run as far as you wanna go,
but still, i knw the best about you.

well babe,
you can have him now.i know sooner or later u will sure gona read this.
I hate the way u act as if ure not with him.
like keeping something away from me.
i told you im cool; but why u wanna act as if you know..
""nola we're nt togather" something like that and all.
i really hate it , when u say u feel me.
u dont feel me babe. u dont feel me.
if you feel me, you wont make him fall for you.
and worse still, you wont fall someone who is attach at that point of time.
common, when he just broke off with mee.
and ure trying to win his heart.
further more , when i get to know you love reading my blog.
babe, dont say you feel for other woman; where else you dont.
:)
you can have him now.
by all means.
his urs now.

im cool.no worries.
:)
i told my mum, and even to him.
" i leave this all to fate. kalau ade jodoh, ade. kalau takde. den takde. Nk pakse2 buat ape. And fadhli, you know that i love you so muchhhh. And you know that so well. At that point of time, im still ur gf i still have my right to fight for my right, bt why didnt i? bcos i find it pointless to be or love someone that already love someone else. This happen not only once okay. After u left, it took me 3 days okayyy. i suffered , i cry like hell. but after that 3 days.. i look up high; and see. im cool now. no worries . im giving you what you want.and i still know the best abt you. "

so thats e reason ppl.
im cool now.
:)before me, he was with his ex gf for 3yrs.
and than its me, for 1yr6-8mth.
well, of cause he can forget us girls easily.
:)
(but remember, we once had something 2gather that i'll never forget. that hurt me the most and will always hurt me whenever i think of it.)

and for mr.r , my dearest muhd rofian.

this guy here wasen my boyfriend. But we're just in a lovely-dovey boat. So called like " ttm " . haha. okay this sound totally like a bullshit . but that explain our errrrr status .
Everywhere there's us now.
and you know this boy here love me so muchhhhhhh. Being too over possesive even !
and he keepon complaining that i didnt give him love, attention and everything like what ive gaven fadhli.
its not that i dont want or i didnt tried but maybe i just cant.
and you know, roy and me are like in two different world.
he expect me more to be like his dream girl.
where'else, this is me. and no one can change me accept me.
and that is the main thing that always make us fight, make me cryyy. make me feel so hurt and everything. worse still, i feel as if im suffering.

roy is a nice guy.
but the only thing i cant cope is just his attitude.
is just different from the others.
mum seems to likes him so much.
and sometimes i find it so sedih that even mum side him so much.
and you know like i said,
this is me.
no one can change the way i am.

and you know,
everyday fight, tears and all..
i know make the love sour.
make him even hate me more.
make me even give up on this.

c'mon.
its nearly 5-6mth im single .
accept for that 2weeks i got back with e ex bf.
i wasen in a rush for a relationship either.
im cool.
and at times of cause i still feel the hurts,
the miss feeling.
urghhhhh yeah.
:)

you know,
i dont cre what people wanna look apon me as.
i dont care how ugly people wanna say i am.
or what so ever.
this is me.
and will always be me.
if you say you can find better girls ,
tell you; i bet i can find better guys too.
but too sad, i dont date guys easily.
or even fall for guys easily haaa.
*wink

can you count my date?
I DONT EVEN DATE PEOPLE NOW.
but can u count my guy friends now?
its countless, bcos thats e way i are.

its not that im choosy, like bennie always think.
im not. its just that i dont feel good in dating or whatsoever.
but in mixing with strangers, im gooood with dat.
dating? HELL NO!
lol!.

so , see.
if one day mr r really leave me.
as in walk away; of cos la i feel the hurt bcos walaupon mcm mane tom n jerry kite ni kan,
we always togather you know. be it with my friends, his friends, my family. we're always togather.
but if he wanna leave, by all means.
im not stopping.
and i got this feelings, sooner or later we'll lost in contact.

(:

i told my mum,
"MUMMY! PUASE TERINGATKAN FADHLI KAN"
and she just smile.
" confirm i will feel the pinch. bcos last year puase n raya, im with him. but this year....."

EH NO WORRIES.
IM COOOL YEAH.
:)
slamat berpuasa!!
PANJANG KAN ENTRY NI.
heheheheheh.

you know, the most hurtful things is when.. someone gave you so much hope.
telling you this and that , promise you this and that but at the end of the day. booom! its all a lie.
you know, im a cool person.
tell me about it, once .. there were a friend of mine is dating with my ex bf which have been with me for 6mth. Just during olden days.
but i came right up to them and just told them, the best woman wins.

Its true, that perasaan manusia kan takboleh dikawal or whatever.
But common,
before you do something, just think.

Im not as bad as what people think.
c'mon, different people have their each and different way.
ikot kan hati, in whatever shit that happen..
i would already bcome a tarzen you know.
but , im a cool cool person now.
:)

time checked: 11:08pm
im feeling shitty now.
:)

2009-08-21T03:20:00.011-04:00

tolong tinggal kan email-email anda di tagboard saya..
sebelom blog saya di private kan pada malam ini .
:)
anw,
selamat berpuasa!

hello i dont want to go date. & of cause im still straight and still loves boys. (eh munnie.lol) but i dont want and i cant. ohgod.dont force me. i really appreacite it alot tho that u've been waiting for me, boy.
friends?
(:
im not playing hard to get, or you know just whatever you guys wana say. Name it. Its just that im not that kind, i dont and i just dont feel comfortable with it.i dont want you guys to feel usedddd or whatever at the end of the day. please understand me. friends?:)

me: let my heart you know terbukak sendiri. its not that i name guys all the same. its just that i cant bring myself to it.you just wont understand me.
someone : what makes you think i dont understand you.
me : i dont know.
someone: see, and again im telling you i wont give up on you.
me:but till when ?it have been years now. there's still alot of girls out there.c'mon.Maybe they deserve better.move on. (:
someone : until i lost trust in you.

2009-08-19T11:55:00.002-04:00

okay for you info.
my blog will be back to private and will stay as private for long.
bcos i wanna blog a longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg entry and you know.....

heheheheheheheheheheh!

take care people.

2009-08-16T11:32:00.000-04:00

okay just finish bathingggg.
im off to bed now.
WORK TOMORROW!
nights babies!

2009-08-16T07:25:00.009-04:00

okay.
Here are the overdue pictures during last 2 weekends or last weekend i think.
Like finally, got it from afah baby.
So, to recall it back.

it was onfriday.
Went out with afahbaby to town for actually shopping session bt nothing caught our eyes.
Went out the house at 6pluspm.
Than meet shakz n her friend for a while at lido and they left when we're having our dinner over ljs..
Then munnie baby came around 8plus 9 and join us.
Than , roy and his schmate usop join us.
Chill over mac cafe till morning.
Than off to boders to wait for roy friend, fir.

Than slack till2plus a.m.
The boys went off to buy durian.
so they ride their bikes while we bus down nr over my cribbb.
Than, the boys came.
had durian.

happy happy happy times.
That days were full with laughter i tell you.
So kekek eyy.
Overoll, have a lot of fun with them.
The pictures, the jokes, the tom n jerry.
Just everything.

miss them so much now.
:)
so here is the PICTURESSSSS!!!

FAREHA AND ME.

DOWN DOWN DOWN THE ROAD.

MUNNIE BABY.

MUNNIE AND AFAH.

OKAY NI SENGAJE EHH DIER POST MEREPEK.
LOL.

okay, post mcm mat pls.
tadaaaaaaaa!!. yikesss!!!!

my babygirls....

feeling sexy.

over at mac cafe

haha! =)

hehe.

okaylah dats all.
yg last2 tu,malas nak caption.
hehehehehe.

=)
dats all dearest readers!

i checked my weight just now,
and i lost 2kg.
and that is very very very weird.
Bcos i know im putting on so much weight now.
Even the people around me say so.
Im fat, my arms. my legs no more sexy already.
and im seriously fucking stress about that.
fattttt!.
tell me about it.!
2kg down?
NOOO THAT IS WEIRD!
ARGHH!!

2009-08-15T09:03:00.005-04:00

How do i just start now.....
---------------------------------------------
--------
-----------------------
---
--------

----------
somehow i just wished i could run awayy from everything and from everyone. My body was weak just now; i feel like im falling sick just now . It was just so weak that i cuden bearly wake up, and after what had happen right infront of my eyes.. i was crying like mad. I just feel that i could just ran away from my house. After one.. came rolling in another one. I was just too stressed. I just need someone to talk to, someone who can understand me you know. AGain, ive been asking myself why things just keepon poping in my life. Why i must face all this trouble. How could i ever face myself,mylife; After what had happen. But i remain calm. Becos i know this is a test from god. I know god is watching.And at times i know he want me to stand up for my right and learn from my mistake that ive make all along. You know, talking is easy. But none of you can feel what im going through. Even if you say you feel me, you can never know how hard ive been through.(like again).
Some people are just so selfish. They only think about themself , about their own happiness.
sigh.

just totally speechless.
again, im cool.

i just want people to be happy.
its okay about me.
and i just dont wanna people to worry what i'll go through and how much ive go through.
bcos i know they dont think about me.
to get it highlighted : ive suffered alot indeed.
But i just smile as if everything is alright
:).
anyway, this picture is taken last weekend.
sister, ur camera sucks okay . and i noe i look so masai here and up der.
yikeeeesss!!!!
:)

2009-08-14T10:09:00.003-04:00

You know, when the elderly started to get into teens matter ..
for once, i was shocked; but i just keep quiet.

For those who are gone,
you are always welcome back.
And again for once; ive never hate anyone of you...
who have make me suffered alot.

you know,
jodoh tk akan kemane.
The person who know you the best, will always be the best.

appreciate what you have,
and appreciate the one that is right infront of ur eyes,the one who love you just so much.
remember; org yg jahat mcm mane pon, satu hari akan come to their sense.

and mum: thanks alot. i lovee you mum!

no worries.im cool.
(:

2009-08-13T02:39:00.002-04:00

He's that guy; (:
Tuesday.

As said, i'll still go to chalet and even tho things really cock up ,
i still went to chalet and meet them there.
U knw, i went out of hs at 815pm okay.
and than, i tot he finish sch at 9pm,
so i took the cab instead all the way to bukit batok rather than u noe take the bus and mrt.
But end up, he only appear at 1045pm ahhhh.

and i was very very angry and remain cool walaupon kene maki kan..
hahahahahahha.
than receive a call frm my dad.
than my mum.
than zana.
wahhhhh.

but still, i was happily cool and just chill outside mrt and smoke smoke smoke.
until i have to went to his place..
blablabla..
took the mrt to pasir ris.
one end to e other end or what.
bcos his bikebreak down..

at that point of time everything was okayy.
And we only reached the chalet at 1.15-1.30am lor.
the pictures at zana camera.
and im lazy to upload .
shall see how.
blablablablablablabla.
and so, i overnight and only reach home at 3pm.
than......
accompany him to get his hair highlighted at 6pluspm.
and darling, u can say goodbye to black hair ehh.:)

but i still prefer his black hair.
but his so called blonde highlighted make him look hot only if he were sleeveless.
LOL!
and i still like spike hair.
RIGHT MUMMY?
MUM: ya, bcos we both got e same taste!
yey!.

and i sukee skali ur ic photo you know.
heheh.

time checked: 2:49pm.
long hours to goooooooo..
feeling sleepy now.
yawn...

2009-08-11T03:33:00.003-04:00

Like ive mention earlier on, im home alone and bored to hell at home now.
I wanna go chalet but this someone is being to fickle minded and idk what to do to drag his ass off to tag me along! but if he really really really dont wanna go, errrrrrrrr than i shall go! you know, im bored to hell now.

Im having this feeling like, my body is weak now.
I feel like im falling sick sooner or later.
its 3:39pm now and i didnt eat anything ever since i wake up.
i jst lose my mood on eating and i dont have any appetite at all.
tsk.

as usual to kill sometime, im on FACEBOOK NOW.
you knw, i like answer to all those quiz and sometimes i end up bursting with laughter until my home people say im crazy.
For example; im sure ela gona comment this at facebook. LOL.

WHO IS MEANT TO BE YOUR TRUE LOVE;
and the answer is...

your neighbor!
i cant stop luffing at home you know, like; my god! facebook is lieingggggggg laaa! LAUGHING MY ASS OUT !! EYY, my true love my neighbor? gile pe.
hahahahahhahahahaha.

and ullie if ure reading this,
KAU TRUE LOVE AKU NANTI?
BOLEH MATI OHHH.
hahahh (:

what crap aje ni fb tau!
:)
and another question; what kind of bf/gf you end up with?
answer will be : you are going to end up with a sexie bf/gf!
you have to go after what you want,and if it dosen want you back than so be it.it dosen deserve you anyway.

hmm. sexie boyfriend?who can that be?
but the sentence by nicole richie was somehow true; well, i dont wana chase after something. Biar tuhan aje yg menentukan. (:

i cant stop luffing about the neighbor thing.
my god!LOL!=))

2009-08-11T01:44:00.002-04:00

back to update;
since the picture were being hold for friday outing,i'll just continue update.
(:

last wednesday.
I fall during work, and of cause i didnt fall like a nangke busuk haa.
(:
my leg hit the trolly just so hard until i scream like you know,
"ahhhhhhh pain!! painnn!! ahhh shit!!"
and alex, was like " are you okayy? u okay?u okay?" and keepon repeating that sentence rapidly lor.
blame it on his trolly that is cause of this incident. And during work, i was like limping but the swell kan haven grow yet you know.So the pain haven yet you know "develop"..
and shit happen at work; which was really getting on my nerve with the leader of recept.
and i end wort at 7, and i was so stressed and fought with mr r also.

i wasen in my best mood.
i was so pissed with work,
with the people.
and my leg was like so painful few hrs after that.
But still, i went all over to cityhall to meet mr r ..

i was shagged plus moody.
i waited till almost 9pm than he appeared at cityhall CONTROL STATION.
and we have this slight arguement that dragggg till 11plus or so.
you know, i was very very very moody.
And his words sometimes kan, like tak beralas you know.
And from cityhall mrt, after that one word he say it to me..
i walk away till penin you know ..
my leg was like fucking painful already and i just force myself to really walk.
And when i turn, he was following me at the back.

Arguement occur.
all those cries and shit.
But when we're having our late dinner at clark q mac, we're okay.
But than things getting more worse and worse just after he left.
and draggg till we took the nel.
he didnt bring his bike that time.
i was like fucking hell piss and so sad you know.
and just after we stepp out of hougang nel,
we settle and talked and i was like crying like baby.
urghhhhhhh.

than everything was okay but my both leg swells la kan.
and the sweetest thing is that, he peggyback me from hougang nel all the way to my doorstep.
hahahaha.
and of cause, we stop through half way than he continue peggyback me.
i was feeling-feeling princess lor .
but, i know i was HEAVY la kan. 55kg mind you with the height of 1.67cm.
even tho my weight still mantain, i feel that im so heavyy like that.

than later on afah came at night.
some things happen and she stay over my place till sunday (:

thursday.
i took mc, mr r bring me to the doctor and i got two days mc!
wuhuu!and yet till now; my leg is still swelling.
is like rabak or what.
Whenever i byk jalan, the more pain la kann.
just both leg , the tulang kering there.
:( :(
and on thursday night, dad borrow mr r bike since his bike break down.
and he came back to my place at night.
and again and agaiiin arguement and all..

i feel shitty.
i feel as if it have always been me.
ape saje laaa..
am sorry.

friday.
i was on emcee, but i was fucking bored at home.
So stick to the plan, me and afah went out to town.
than meet munnie after that.
time checked was 10plus already.
so we decided to take a night rider since we have all the night long with us.
We chill at mac cafe lido till 12plus i think.
happily laughing away.
kekek lorrr this afahhh.
than mr r came over after school.

he look so mat mat bunge dat dae. and look so mat
FORGUDNESS SAKE, LAST WARNING!
I DONT LIKE MAT HA PLEASE.
and schmate come and join us, hanafi and usop.
so we slack at boders.

the six of us.
time checked 1plusam already.
chill chill chill.
the boys wanna have durian.
so instead of gg to durian house, they bought the durian and have it at my house instead.

they ride their bike,
while we girls took nr6 and bus down to my place.
sleepover.
kecohness, munnie and hanafi sleep very buruk haa.
LOL. cant stop luffingg eh girls.
=)
than they went home around 5.30am,
than we girls back to sleeep.

the pictures are still with afahhhhh!!
PLS SEND IT ASAP.
and i look soo masai on that dae lor, and that is when i feel as if im putting on weigh! MY GOD!! FAT OR WHAT.
:(

saturday.
stay at home day.
afah baby went out for awhile.

sunday.
went over to sengkang to papa usop 50th birthday.
nothing much;most of the cousin are there.
and i was like craving for thosaaiiiiiiiiiii lor!
reached home around 11plus.
than waited for mr r,and drag him to actually wannted to go mustafa den we go jalan kayu instead.
and sadly, NO THOSAI FOR ME BCOS OF OUT STOCK!
:(:(
but i really want thosai badly!.
nak jugak! nak jugak! nak jugak! nak jugak!.
and this boy starting to think this and that!.
and we have satay and tomyam soup ajer.

and shit happen like again.
and im just so stress and idk what to do.
i dont wanna elaborate much about this.
but this involve the old person.

monday.
i was boreeeeedddd. tot of going bb,
but since something happen again.
meet fara instead, that to pasir ris.
been a long time we sit and you know have some time together.
and im happy that she and her bf are gg 1yr soon!.
that time, when i was with the ex bf,
she was like just 4mth you know.

fara: lynn.niairi 10th siol. aku punye anniv!
me : wahhhh best nyer!
than i like stop and think ,
me : eh 10th pon used to be ann aku kan.we got e same anni ape.
:)

than talk talk all the way and cabbed down around 12plus am.
home sweet home.

best kann org celebrate anniv la.
1yr anniv laaa.
wahh best kannnn.
best kan ade couple.
boleh tu boleh ni.
wahhhh bestnyerrrrrrrrrr :)

but im cool.
work! is my top thingy you knowwwwww.

but on the other hand,
im stress about my condition now.
to who it may concern; i hope u get rid of this fast.
IM A FEMALE, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IVE BEEN THROUGH?
I LOOK OKAYY BUT ITS KILLING ME INSIDE!.

its wednesday now.
might be going to isnin(monday) chalet and din chalet later on at costa sand.
zana organise the chalet.
and there's so many wine and beers now, she's packing and off she go.
and im like home alone now?

im on leave.
THANKS KAK RASHIDA.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
YOU ARE THE FUCKING BEST FEMALE EVER LEADER.
10dolla kan, aku boleh kasi kau double k?
:)

2009-08-10T03:52:00.002-04:00

i just need time alone.
after one, than another one .

now this dosen involve any feelings or love or shit,
but now this involve about myself.
how im gona face myself and the world.

just wanna have fun.

2009-08-08T08:19:00.004-04:00

im not sure of the feelings that i have in me yet till now.
i cant find the answer tru my question, just cant find the answer to people question either.

the feelings that i have, stick with me.
Whether im feeling missed of something,
in love,
or hating someone or whatever..
im feeling-feeling like sendiri.

Bcos i knw, that ..
that feelings hold just a second.
it didnt last , and its like just going on and off.
and i just dont know why.

Im yearning for happiness from people, from the people around me.
After so much ive suffer, after the all those burden..
i just wanna have fun.
somehow followed by being love.

im not desperate in finding love or to be in love.
All i ever want is happiness and all those people surround me.
Just you know, happy happy selalu like that.
:)

at the same time,
i cant deny that i...

i do still teared.
and sometimes being too much pressure, my old moodswing & attitude came back to me.
just once, that time.

And of cause, im strong enough to pull it through.
& Im still standing strong now, and still doing fine right now.

i dont wanna feel any heartache.
i dont wanna suffer again.

I dont wanna make myself in a mess.

and you know, i just hate to be too fickle-minded at times too.
and at certain things, u just cant run from facing it.

i dont give up easily.
i do like challenges.
ps: proper update soon.

2009-08-07T03:23:00.002-04:00

its complicating;the feeling wasen that strong and it just wont last.
Somehow, the past still reflects on me.
I look up at you, as one of the man that ive gaven everything and love so much yet so deep.
It still playing around my mind,
and it just make my head spin like hell.

This thing just come and go.
i just want a happines.
That ring; its just killing me.

2009-08-06T04:51:00.001-04:00

two days mc.
till, tuesday and back to work.
yey.
im starting to hate the management at work now.

-moodless-

2009-08-04T11:15:00.010-04:00

SUNDAY;2 of august
i thought everything was cancel. But end up, it went smoothly. The karaoke was up as plan. And somehow, i like last minit plan rather than you know; plan2 abeh later cancel . (:
so actually, we planned to record a proper video right. But end up, video yg merepek2 kite amek.
lol!.
and the video are all with afahh. im sorry about it , so i'll just upload what i have with me first okay.

until i get the video from afah baby,
than i;ll upload it okay.
(:

(background kecohh.sorry ehh.hehehehehehe. afah giler!)
currently: my fav song! :)

alaahh ni video merepek2.
tunggu afah baby give me okay.
I REALLY WANT A PROPER KARAOKE VIDEO PLS GUYS!
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!
:)

SO, afah came 1st.
than they came at 5plus 6.
I feel very akward with roy bcos of those fightinG things.
but im glad things ws okay after that (:

karaoke and all.
had dinner togather.
than until one part we are slacking,
take stupid pictures.
it was fun,
and this is all those silly pictures okay (:
(the picture taken, 4 of us )

stop around 11plus.
Than they ton over my crib.
TGK VIDEO COMING SOON inside my room.

before that to 7-11 to buy ciggy.
and play this stupid silly game otw to 7-11.
as usual, roy is my partner.

the game called close our eyes.
time checked was 1plus am already.
and roy baby terlanggar tiang!
LOL. terkejot okay. like suddenly , he was hugging me than BANG!.
bukak mate, terlanggar tiang.
lol.
and this saf n afah tot we;r cheating.

heh.
so afah n me sleep upstairs, while the two sleep below.
woke up , they left at 2plus .
AND SUNDAY WAS GREAT!
(:
im too tired to update actually.

i had to go off now,
bcos i need to prepare my things for tomorrow.
than off to b e d .
really tired.
tadi ot okay sampai 7pm.
sheesh.

:)
pictures.

hahaha .
okay done!.
:)
THAT WILL BE ALL.
video will update when i get it.
nights baby!..

2009-08-03T23:25:00.003-04:00

morning babies! (:
Over at work now; was on urgent leave yesterday.

& i heard that someone is angry when ytd i didnt turn up for work !
im on urgent leave and my incharge knows it well okay and ive already inform them earlier on also. sheesh. Again, if im troubling you all;dhl leaders and incharge for my absent ytd; again, am so sorry too!

time checked: 11:32am
errrrrr, no ciggy;hp is down
damn damn damn bad day for me.

anw, last sunday.

i didnt expected things to turn out so well.

Disappointment to you know; moment of happiness and laughter and love.

theres tons of unwanted pics and video actually.heheheh

and i'll update and upload it when i reach home okay.

anyway,

im missing someone so much when i was otw to work just now.

and now.

who can that be?

mr muhammad rofian la kan.(:

like just so so sooooo much gituh.

im feeling the love now;

and i just hope everything will stays on like this.

that particular sunday,

errr, alaahhhhh . remember time check blabla, date on 3rd august!

alaahhhhh..

anw, im just feeling so lovely-dovey now.

love is in the air.

lalalalalalalal

2009-08-03T02:33:00.000-04:00

Sunday.
everything was going smoothly.
so i just upload dis silly video first okay.
hehehe.
:)

2009-08-02T01:27:00.004-04:00

Saturday;2 of august.
Its already the month of august, and just in few days time it gona be national day and in few weeks time; puasa is already here.
Time flies just so fast eh.

so anyway here is just a quick update.
& sorry not much pic taken on saturday.
(:

Idk that the weekend gona be my most ever shitty day ever.
And as for my weekdays, ive been looking fowerd for weekend,
so much sexcited for the plans and all but everything seems to burn up.
This is the reason why i dont like to feel excited for something,
or plan something; bcos things wont work out.

So friday, after work my day was burn.
Due to fighting with someone that lead to breaking us apart yet till today;sunday.

and i'll talk abit about it at the end of this entry.

So as plan, saturday went beach to dearest elle.
Initially plan was to meet at 1130am.
And i asked her to wake me up at 1015am but i did wake up okay but i left house late as something happen and i was like rushing like mad n only reach hougang nel at nearly 1pm?
okay this is extremely sucks. And i was lucky that elle didnt to out to me a hulk or a shrek. (:

Before that ive to rush to the coffeeshop opp,
and bump into FRED!
Knowing that i was already fucking late, i have stay for awhile bcos it have been fucking long since i last meet him..
and make a quick catch up with him and left 5-10 minits later on!.
LAME GILER OR WHAT TK NPK DIER.
(:

Meet elle baby!.
Took the bus to sentosa.
Settle down at siloso beach.
And you know, i dontlike to go pahlawan.
and by the time we reach there its already 2plus pm.

the sun was sucks.
not good at all.
just on and off.urghhhh!!
but me n elle keepon feeling thirsty even tho is not a hot weather you know.
We didnt snap much picture as we spend our time smoking, tanning ( taking a short nap ) and eating as we both packed food for each other.
SANDWICHES&NUGGETS
:)

left around 4plus near to 5plus.
tot of watching the fireworks but.........

told ya, didnt have much pictures.
and elle refuse to send me her picture taken alone!
went back over to my crib , reaches around 6plus.
than heed down to downtown chalet for ZILLA CHALET.
(psst psst;ikotkan hati aku tknk turun tau! abehh turun kau maen lappy pulak eh! lol)

than aroud 9pm went off.
me and elle meet my parents.
had satay together.
:)
than went home and shit happen.

i dont wanna leave you.
and i really dont wanna leave you.
But what you say make me feel as if i m just as bad as you thought.
You have been telling me how much ive hurt you inlove and you told me that you dont want me to hurt you; where else at time i really dont know what im doing or what i am up too.
whatever you tell me, is like ure begging me for not hurting you.
How u feel and how u beg for it, i understand how it feels dearest.

Bcos that is what ive done during my past.
ive plead him to leave me and even beg him not to come back.
Bcos ive suffered just to much.
But still, i cant really get the picture what ive really done.
But i know partly is my mistake, not realizing that e one who love me so deep is just right infront of me.

i dont wana let you go.
But it seems that ure suffering being with me.
Even tho we're not togather, this thing is going on and off.
and you know; that i do seriously love you.
but at times i dont know what is pulling me back.

everyday arguement without fail for the past few mth had never make me feel of giiving up dearest.
NEVER.
but as time goes by, when ure complaining to others on how much ive hurt you in love and all,
make me feel very bad.extremely very very very bad.

I am so blur and shagged about this thing now.
i dont know whats up next.

ive tried my best.
But idk why things turn out to be like that.
and on the another hand, u can never see the best side and the good part of me.
im always a sore in e eye to you.

i want people to be happy with me.
I dont want people to suffer being with me.
Worst come still, forcing themself to love me or be with me.
but im glad that you dont.
Its just that im thankful that u mention, you dont wanna lie to urself that uve been hurting urself so much being with me.
bcos ive been neglecting ur love.

Just flash back at those good time.
Even tho my history stories keepon poping up,
you are the one who have done ur part; to make me forget everything.
But still; i dont know what is confusing me.

this is just too much.
i dont like to feel this pain.

I dont believe in two different world can click.
its confusing me now. plus hurting me too.

anyway to dearest elle,
i really enjoy being with youu.
those craziest joke of steps and everything.
LOL.
ape saje la ni makcik.:) so must take note, next time kluar we both must wear spec already.Jgn tk bawak pulak, susah kalau due2 rabun tau.heheheh.
Whats next?shopping?clubbing?sleepover?or more?..
hmm.
love you girlfriend!:) :) :)

club this week?
HMM.
its sunday today.
shall just wait if the plan for sunday is turning up.
really disappointing.

confused?hurt?disappointed?

2009-08-01T11:00:00.002-04:00

The men that love me so much ,
more than i ever love him, mr someone.
Maybe ive make my mistake, by not realizing that the person who love me is just right infront of me for long.

ive tried my best to give the love and yet ive fail.
Maybe ive lost hope in love and trying my best to give love and forget the past.

It seems like everything is coming back to me.
As in, everything seems to be my fault.

It seems that im really a failure in this.
And it seems that im just a really fucking loser in love.

People just always think the bad side of me.
They always think that i am that kind of what people have at the first impression of me.
They just love putting words in my mouth and have all those bad thinking towards me.

its hurting but i know, im the only person who know the best about me.

I know whats my mistake.
and ive never ever say things like,
"no it wasen me" knwoing that it is really my mistake. Get me?
sometimes, i do try my best to stand firm and speak up for my right,
and yet some people just say that i am just an ego bitch who dosen and wont realize her mistake.
Which is not.

i am so blur now.
i really need to take a break on this.
blame it all on me;

i need it!

2009-07-31T09:13:00.002-04:00

yey! im finally h o m e (:
and i desperately need a ciggy!
arghhhhh im desperate for it ,how?
and you know, now i currently smoke winner menthol instead of my everyday viceroy red!
thanks to the two boys haaaa.

i want ciggy!
:(

finally its friday! (:

2009-07-30T23:24:00.004-04:00

good morning babies!

its friday today and i cant wait to get out of work! yey! yey! yey! And idk where im heading too tonight. Hopefully theres some plan . :)

Im over at work now, currently waiting for lunch time.

im so gona die bcos ive finish up my ciggy yesterdayy and idk how to survive todaay!

and my pocket left with just a few bucks only okay!

damn it, cant wait for next friday;payday!

currently running out of cash you knowwwwww..

have to really save for tomorrow and next week.

urghhh!

100bucks just gone in just few days just like that.

idk what the hell did i do with my money, im feeling so like angry about that.

gone just like that. stupid right!

im sure mum gona nagged at me if she knows about it.

time checked: 11:28am now

as usual, b o r e d now.

hopefully no paper work later on!

stress boleh nangis okay!!

morning voices turning me on.

(:

2009-07-29T22:12:00.007-04:00

the voice of him whispering early in the morning..
love is in the air;

morning readers!

Im just feeling so shagged now; Feel like sleeping plus hungry too. Just cant wait for tomorrow to end. Because i cant wait for the weekend plan.& i hope everything will go well for that two days. (:

Early in the morning when i step in to work, i get feedback from kak rashida(the recept leader) that ive done a sum of mistake regarding shipment ytd. I feel bad for that. But im not giving it up and to keepon trying knowing that theres few who left after training bcos this job is just too hard. For me, idk why i tend to forget easily when im getting too paranoid or angry and whatsoever. But its okay. I hope everything will go well and yeah; must learn from the mistake! =)

The reason why im feeling shaggy bcos of ytd. I continue d/e after my job ends. Besides that, i really miss touching onto that job you know.And i have fun time working ytd (: Cheryl was there;farhana wasen around plus lenny and kak norlah and kak salmiah. And im happy for cheryl bcos i can see that she have done alot of improvement in typing skill comparing the day when she just walk in to e co. ! yey! and ytd, i was suprise that work finishes at 1025pm , where normally it will ends at 11pm or later than that. Maybe bcos of the people that are working on that day is doing a fast job on that! =)

but..

something happen that really make my mood goes up. it happen once,and i hope it wont happen twice. I was going for break at 9pm, and when i push the door, i didnt know that this T W O irritating ladies was standing behind e door and one of them is holding hot milo. And when i pushed it, bangggg! to her! but luckily the water didnt spill. and i say ,"opps! sorry" and did i do it on purpose?no right! and this two ladies was like staring at me and one of them just *jeling* at me and that is just so rude.

yg pegi berdiri belakang pintu buat ape right.

I was like totally angry and trying my best to control my temper you know.

cheryl: puki nye perempuan.u say sorry right just now?and they show u dat kind of attitude.

exactly! but its okay, u wanna stare me. Just stare as much as u want. bcos after my job ends; this two "ladies" (instead of label-ing them bitches eh) stare at me. ohhh its okay; just dont make me loose my wire thats all.

Someone told me that im behaving very typical minah when it came to this kind of matter. And seriously, im just that kind of person. My mouth will just move automatically and say blablablaaa by itself. And i am trying my best to keep my mouth shut and you know just let them run their way.

Like for example. E otha day i was walking down at town with a male friend of mine(wasen mr r.). And there's this group of people which i dont think "town people" (hahahahahaha) was like looking at my fren and laugh and idk what they are saying. They even look more to YP as in you knw "yps". The way they dress up okay not the age matter okay. And i turn and shouted, " mailto:%^@%^%!@^%!^@^ what the fuck ure looking and laughing at?"

and this boys turn and just shut up and look away. And my friend was like asking me why and telling me that im being just too loud. Omg, they are just so rude okay. And seriously i dont like that kind of people. People with stupid silly attitude. Yucks.

Im not behaving like a typical bitch. Im just like that and i'll try my best to shut my mouth next time. Since two person dont like it.

Including mum.

she advise me to cut down my vulgarities when im in anger .She say, "dari hari mule ke sekarang tau i notice".. And i told her, "tkkan i nak vulgar sesuke hati. Org yg kat tefon ke mane2 yg kurang aja.tkkan nak diam aje"..

and she just advise me on and on and on.

sigh. Mengalah she said. So i should just let people run their way as they like haa. hmmmmm.. so maybe i'll try to improve more on that okay. Just hate people with stupid attitude yg mcm bergini. sheesh.

time checked: 11:02am

Tomorrow its friday and i just cant wait for that! Hopefully all plan on the weekend will work out haa esp sunday! =)

Mum is being so sweet ytd to wait for me to come back from work, 12.00am

it seems like someone is getting close with both parents haa.

let bygones be bygones.As said, im moving on and the pain is heeling. Im look ahead for my upcoming future(:

no worries people. thanks for ure concern !

with love; ashlynn

boring!

2009-07-29T04:16:00.003-04:00

time checked: 4:17pm
and ive been sitting here for almost 45 with no customer. and currently enjoy the cold aircon until i keepon rushing to the toilet now and than.

work ends at 6pm later on.
but im working O.t over at d/e (data entry) to cover people.
i was super lazy actually. wanted to work on friday actually so that i need not rush to go back, but since they said friday they dont need me and need me today, i just say okay without any complains.
again, the only problem is ; it ends at 11pm lor.
nevermind, i think i'll just drop tamp hor (:

further more, i miss working and typing ,working as a d/e.
and luckily and like finally cheryl dearest is working today!
yey ! so i got teman and yeahhhh finally back to work with her =)

im so bored right now. can i sleep?
and i only have bread for lunch just now.
diet haaa lynn! (:
hehehehe.
and im just so so sleepy right now.
ive been troubling all those abg-abg over here; sorry ehhhh. and i feel bad about it. urgh!!

cold.sleepy.cold.sleepy.
sighhhhhhhh..

i wanna get a new phone.!

suddenly im missing someone now.
who eh?.
(:

2009-07-28T11:48:00.002-04:00

Tuesday,28/july
i just got back from work and dinner with mr r.
work was okay just now; and i hope everything gona be okay sooner or later.
as usual; work ends at 6pm.

mr r didnt called me ytd and idk what mood got into him.
And he called me when i was otw back, and since we wanted to have dinner together, meet him at outram mrt than off to habourfront.
hello; expo-habourfront okay!!!!!!
mr r dont wanna ride bcos of certain reason so yeah; meet him there.
had dinner at habourfront food court.

and i dont believeeee that this happen actually right infront of my eyes.
bcos never in my life ive came across with that.
when we bumped into the ex bf.
(:

i feel nothing but was just shocked.
and to mr r, stop it okay with all negative thinking.
ive move on baby; dont kesiankan me bcos ive always been talking abt him or my past.

remember what we've planned?
maybe, we should improve all those things that we always quarrell and etc.
:)

parted at outram.
someone feels like crying. who eh? :)
and what he felt is what im feeling also.
it feels like, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! damn it.

:)
and here, last friday entry

mr r, fetch me from work.
Than since its fri, thats the only day we can enjoy .. fri & sat is the only day im free now.
Had dinner at marina food court.
spend sometime together talking.
then home sweet home.
talk with sister(zana) and bf.
was laughing away sampai air mate melelehh2 okay!

than saturday;
went out with mummy and sister to bugis to window shop.
than mr r join us.
and something happen which i dont wanna elaborate much on that.
im not behaving like typical malays okay darling.
:)
had dinner at raffles hosp, long talk just the four of us.
and thats e day when i spend my time with mum talking and everything.
ILOVEIT!
LOVE YOU MUM!
(:
mum and sister went to mustafa,
and since mr r bring his bike, we actually wanted to hit mustafa to meet mum n sis there..
but ade la bende2 yg buat kite stop kannnnnnn.
(:

and done,
im so shagged and heading off to bed now.
tireddddd laaa...

l o v e ,
i love you and you love me.
l o v e ,
and i love you and you love me.
lalalalalalalalala.

:)

s o m e t i m e s..... (:

2009-07-28T01:00:00.003-04:00

sometimes i wonder, when will all this stupid things, stupid feelings end.

sometimes im thinking, what should i do to avoid all this unwanted feelings that can just haunt my life down rapidly.

sometimes i just think that, humans are the one who make things and life complicated for us,one another.

sometimes i just even feel that how i wish im not even exist in this world .

sometimes i just wish that i could just rewind back my life to the olden days, younger days,kids dayss.

sometimes im just being too fickle minded, i know, to decide things.

Sometimes i asked myself, why do human need love? perfect soulmate and whatsoever in life...

sometimes i just feel that im a loser at love and life but i know im not.

because sometimes im proud to be what i am, proud to have all those beautiful soul around me.(:

sometimes i just feel that i could just jump off from the building after feeling so depress by humans.

but yet again, when i think and think and think; ohhh this is human life. You cant escape from all those problem in life; you have to solve things slowly and maturedly.. and for what had happen, learn to accept the fact that sometimes is not even your luck or maybe things happen with just reason .& that dosen mean, ur life have end there! u still have to keep it going...... =))

and you know sometimes what ive been wishing for?

(:

sometimes i just wish that i could just run away farrrr from everything and live on my own.

and sometimes im thinking, " what should i do to avoid certain people from reading my blog rather than changing my url or set it to private. heheheheh. bcos i know, ive change my url upteen times already kan and i dont want to trouble people to keepon relink-ing me? hmmmm (:"

sometimes, sometimes, sometimes..hmmmmmmm...

idk what im talking here.blame it all to boredom horrr (:

time checked: 1:12pm
just had my lunch and mum is being so sweet to pack food for me! love you mum!!(:
just cant wait for friday!
currently, waiting patiencely to get out of work.

and im happy abit bcos i can manage some of my work abit already.wuhuuu!!

i can do it!!

:)

puasa soooooooooooon gona be next mth.

and , seriously im not looking forward for raya!

lalalalallalalalala!

2009-07-27T10:17:00.002-04:00

i love the song in my blog so much.
thanks to mr f hor.
(:
meet mr f after work just now for a short while.
hmmm hmmm hmmmmm
(:
heading off to bed now.
*toodles*

rain rain, heavy rain please (:

2009-07-26T22:33:00.003-04:00

Time checked: 10:34am
morning people! (:
im freshly awake because im at work now.
(:

My two days OJT are dead last week. And thats explain, why im here all alone in this coldddddd office.
can i go home?
or can not have any customer today? (:
only the people around me knows how nervous i am attending to work today!
and even when i woke up at 6:15am just now, i feel like not attending bcos im just so nervous for this you know. and kak mas wasen around, and i really hope everything will goooo well.sheeesh.

rain rain heavy rain.
i hope this rain wont just stop.
so that there wont be much or any cust.
LOL!

But im shivvering here because i didnt bring my sweater and this stupid heels is making me having blister and mark . urgh!
im b o r e d now.
and feeling sleepy already.
*yawn*

should bring my usb so that i can trans pictures and have a proper update.
sheeshhhh... so what can i do now?

omg, im bored and soooo sleepy now.

anyway. the other day i have a gooood long talk with mum. Both mum and dad la actually. It have been some time since ive spend my time with mummy you know.

And i feel so good after talking to her, and hearing her advise that she gave me.

But still, im the one who can decide what i actually want in life.As as for my mum, my parents; i know they'll always support me no matter what.

Ever since than, you know i just feel bad bcos i know haven been behaving *wordstobeaddedhere* some weeks ago. But im glad after all those talk , i feel so much better and i really feel very very very happy. No matter what happen, i'll always and still have my family around with me.

And to my younger sister; its time for me to really take care of her rather than you know, shout and just shoo her away from my life. LOL. really la. But deep down inside, of cause i love her so much even tho we're like you know Tom & jerry at home (:

Other than that; for mr r.

Again, i'll just let fate decide.

Im glad that somehow u can mix along well with my family esp my dad.(:

And you know; sometimes i just dnt know what im doing. I dont mean to break ur heart but its just that ........

well; im confused on that.

if everything is fine with me,

u can have ur r6 okay with my share.

and after that, my courses okay.

im still having this confused feelings on that.

home alone.

2009-07-26T03:08:00.005-04:00

Im not giving up.
i know i can do it and get rid of all this thing.
All those problem that have been troubling me, all those pain , all those people , those stress of work and etc
i know i can do it.
and i know i can .
all i need is time. Plenty of time to recover and you know, free of mind.
(:

Whatever had happen, make me feel as if im tired of this.
tired to feel the pain that will never end , but instead it will be there..
and there, and more and even more worse and stuff like that.
You know; im like just Totally tired of it.

The reason why im blogging about this because i feel so stuck now.
and im home alone at home now you know.
thinking what to do.
yarh; mum is out to jb.
dad : work and than meet mum and off to granny house at bb.
sister; out and will be home at 8pm
kakak : as usual la working.
and babygirl, will not be around for two month.
bcos, da ade babysit and i just miss her so muccchhh..
i miss babygirl so much you know, & mcm nak nangis gituh.

She's like growing already.
Da pandai bebual sikit2.
da pandai merajok.
her irritatingness, her cuteness , i miss her so much!

:( :(
sedihla kannn.
isk.
( babygirl : PAPA!-while showing something- kakak, broom broom wherE?broom broom neee
me : baby diam la.tkmo mcm gini la.bising la. da besa mangkin byk bebual pulak.sanelaaa.bising jerrrr!!!!!!!
babygirl : hmph!!!! -showing of her cuteirritating face.kononye merajok lor-
da pandai budak kecik nik tau.iskk,rindu sekaliiiii! )

anyway,
im so nervous about tomorrow.
so scared.
just so nervous.
and i keep thinking about tomorrow.
and telling everyone how nervous and scared am i for tomorrow.
alaaahhhh.abeh mcm mane?
its the beginning.
a new step to learn.
patience.

alahh.alahhhh.alaahhhh.

2009-07-25T13:50:00.000-04:00

i m just tired of this.

2009-07-25T04:17:00.002-04:00

roy says:
oh kekasih fad
bila nak send?
A s h, cinta says:
FAD SAPE?
salah org la u.
roy says:
indie disoc
disco*
my old name
A s h, cinta says:
ok
roy says:
indie disco
tell mummy i miss her ok
roy writes:
I MISS MUMM!
A s h, cinta says:
heh.okayy!
roy says:
alamak tak ada space la
A s h, cinta says:
lagik?anak dier tk miss?
roy says:
tak ar
buat apa
A s h, cinta says:
buat ape. terime kasih byk2 fian.
roy says:
tunggu lynn betul2 serious about us baru miss ok
A s h, cinta says:
haha
roy says:
:)
A s h, cinta says:
:):)

Sometimes i just feel that i am not ready to commit, i dont wanna commit, or yes i want to commit.But like again, i leave it all to fate. I agree that after what had happen after breaking off with the ex bf during those long month of breaking up before we "so call get together", i do get to know guys who want to get to know me or trying their best to win my heart. Bcos at that point of time, i just feel so shit and just trying my best to forget him you know. And i dont go dating with like only you and i, but i prefer going out together as one. But still, i just cuden bring myself to fall for them and Love them.
And honestly for those people who know me so well, who have see the change in me, the good improvement of becoming WORSE to good; i am not that kind of person who can go around dating with alot of guys or knowing alot of guys. Its not that i dont want or sombong or whatsoever. Its just that i cuden bring myself to you know "meet a new person" as in " person that u kenal2 inside or outside".. i find myself sucky on that. But still my friends advise me to go on, and make a lot of friends. And yet, i cuden bring myself to that stage. Bcos i dont feel comfortable on dating guys and knowing guys. Errr. get what i mean?
And lately, remember bennie? The guy that ive once mention in my blog dat time. He called me the other day. Asking me, how am i doing and stuff like that. And he asked me this ,
"abeh skg sape mataer u?ke maseh memilih?".. see, people always got the wrong impression of me. Because he ever wants me to be his but i just cant.Until u know got this point of time, we fought and he fuck me and i just ignoree.I told myself this you know..mcm , if u wanna go than just go. if u wanna stay than stay.

Just like mr r.
He can feel that i am not ready for all this thing.
And i told him this,
" u noe now we are close, if one day u really go away like really go away.. like seriously, what im gona look ahead is my carrier and my family & friends. that will be all.and you know i HATe and WONT dating with guys."

and thats what im thinking right now.
WORK.
and you know, ytd was kak mas last day as recept before i took over her place.
and i share stories about my past r's. and somehow whatever she said hit my brain you know.
"i skg da 34 eh, kadang2 i nak jadi 19 yrs old balek. Kalau boleh tkmo commit. Keje keras, dpt gaji enjoyy . Buy what u want.Enjoy dgn kawan keee.. u know..dari nk stress2 pasal mataer ni semue"
and that is what my mum told me also. and i just look at her and smile.

:)
i'll be back for proper update okay.
going out with mum and sister right now.
MONDAY; chialakkkkk!
*praying hard*

2009-07-21T04:30:00.006-04:00

will be away for some period of time.
sleepover, sleepover.
party party and partyyyyyy!
work and work and work.

(:
stay tune.
and enjoy the music!

i love my people and my family.
thanks so much.
esp mum, thanks for always supporting me.
the msg that ive forward, that is that.
love you mum! l

2009-07-20T12:23:00.002-04:00

To dearest khairul(this it not my bestfriend k)
happy 20th birthday bro!
alaahh.lupe birthday pon nak merajok!
aku step lupe aje .
hehehehehehe!
may all ur wishes and dreams come true.
da mangkin besar da kau, tkmo mangkin giler k bro.
hahaha.
SYG LU!
:)

AND HERE..

WHATEVER IT IS,
i miss our old times.
i miss this bitch.
soooo sooooo much.
i miss you BUSYWOMAN!
:)

2009-07-20T02:49:00.003-04:00

at times, i can be very emotional you know.
and if you see, im so called " jiwang-jiwang" that means,
im down.
so can i talk abit emotional now?
(ninie! i stole this pic at fb okay!)hehehehe

you know, i bet ive post this entry a hell lot of time.
but i cant help it. Bcos i just miss this someone so much.
ive been thinking , why is she like that.
why does she turn out to be like that?
dosen she even think of me?
or miss me?
Wheres our friendship promises?our dreams?
sigh.

im glad and happy that uve grown up.
at times, i really hate you so much.
but on e other hand, i miss you so.
c'mon, its eight year plus of friendship.
good and bad times.
whenever there's you, there'll always be me.
remember?

i lost my bestfriend that i treasure so much.
and this apply to my male bestfriend too that i love soo much.
both of them.
where are they now?
happy life; forgetabout me.

sedih sekali you know.
but u guys will always be in my heart!

so, as i was browsing fb.
i grab this picture.

and its like OMG!
its...

imah and thats her boyfriend!.
and that is imah, the she that ive been refering about.
omg! she cut her hair.!!
and when i look at it, i cant stop saying ..like again.. " omg! omG!"
da berbulan tk jumpe okay.
mcm sedih gituhhh you know.
:(

okay enuff about that.
its monday blue today!
time checked : 2:59pm
ytd, the homies come over my place for karaoke-ing and chilling session!.
it have been a lonngg time ehk.
i was so happy you know! mcm da lame giler gituh tk spend time like this.
and its like, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! shiok! misses & love!
=)

i love korg-korg okay!
:)

so night time, meet someone.
hmmmm...
:)
and than, i got a good news? or isit a bad news?
im applying full time for my previous job.
and tomorrow im heading down to UBI to meet the incharge!
mr r! finally lorrrrrr =)))))
but mum and dad dosen like me to work there!
but mr r, is being so ohsweet and wants to pick me up from work if i started to work back.
the work timing sucks lor! dats e thing!.
idk. will discuss it with mumy & daddy tonite!

and im still waiting for blush, my previous job also.
eeeeeeee geram nyer! nk puase, nak raye nik!
iskk!

dad called me.
daddy :" kak! kau ade kawan name farhana?"
me : farhana byk sehh. farhana mane?
daddy : ni dier ade tadi.dier tanye, " ni bapak lynn eh"
me : (dalam hati mcm wahhhhhhh! sape eh) aik?sape sehh
daddy : takpe. nanti daddy jumpe dier daddy call balek. dier kate dier kawan kau
me : okay!

wow. cham pulak bapak aku.
heheheheh.
few minits..
daddy : ni farhana. jap eh
farhana : hello! ni farhana la.! tk kenal?
me : farhana mane sehhh??
farhana : farhana senior la. hougang sec.
me : ahhh?errrr. technical eh?
farhana : uhuh laa.
me : ceyyyyyy!!

lol.
padehal kat sekola tak berbual tau!
:) so u must be the passerby who tag my blog eh makcik!.
heheheheheh.

and mum called me saying dat dad is helping also to find work.
also kirekan, my mum also helping me lor.
:) mcm touch gituhhh.

okay gtg now.
wanna find something and eat.
and clean the houseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
i wanna party!!!!

2009-07-19T13:08:00.003-04:00

my eye vision is blur now.
getting blurrrrrrrrr mcm nak rabun ajer mate!
and it gona be a week now, its very blur okay. sigh
damn it.

rase-rase mcm blind woman pulak!
now i can tell zana(sister),welcome to the club.
satu family ni da rabun ni. cube daddy ajer!
adui!!!!!

BABY adriana! SEE U SPREAD IT TO ALL!
HMMPH!

2009-07-19T03:24:00.004-04:00

Saturday; 19july.
After a longggg time of not meeting bestie , my dear apish farrell.. we decided to meet up yesterday as planned! and i know this guy here miss me so much like how much i misses him! kan gemok? LOL!
Planned to meet at 5pm.
tapi dier punye otw pun pukol 630 baru sampai somerset.
and i texted him saying i was ON THE WAY, but i actuallt just left house only at 630!
alaah, my place to somerset is like very near lor. half an hr can reach mah
:)
and this cutegemokhensembestfriend smsing me nonsense shit that make me laugh or tersenyum sendiri2!terime kasih banyak-banyak eh apish <33 style="font-weight: bold;">the guy who propose me to be his girlfriend.remember?

and than , when i was at ming arcade his there.
he asked me question like,
why tk inlove and blablabla.

and i look at him and say,
" didnt you know im a lesbian? i only adore girls bcos i just think that they are much more hotter than guys?" :)

HAHAHAHAH
but i told him,
i was with someone actually .
:)

karaoke ended at 12am.
and sorry dearest whom i didnt reply ur texted.i was busy .
:)sorry okay!
(cheryl and me. ok i look sucks in dis picture! )
mr r picked me up.
and the rest also went off.
he send me home .
and zana and her future bf was at home also.
around 3am, we decided to go..

E A S T C O A S T
LIKE FINALLY! YEY!
and you know, im having this sore eyes or like infection.
and im having ths blur vision that sucks alot.
sakit mate okay!
:)

sit at waterbreak.
The wind, the sound of the waves.
most of the time i spend my time closing my eye, and feel the wind and hear the sound of the waves.
i teared when mr r hugged me and told me he love me very much.
i think about the past,
think about the future ahead of me too.

i just love spending my time with him.
and have a heart to heart talk with him.
i can feel it.
and i hope things will go on this way.
(:

reached home at 6am.
dad nagged.
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalala.
its sunday today! might be visitng nenek later.
i miss her! and i dream of her !
:)

and you know, when i was over at ecp.
i think of my homies.
and i told mr r, how much i miss,love and treasure them.
they are just like my babies.
korg2 if bace ni,
lagik2 mr neighbour yg tersyg..
i love u all okay.
rindu korg sangat2 horrrrr.
and u guys will always be the best!
and ive never forget korg-korg.
cube busy ajer!!
<>

2009-07-18T03:44:00.000-04:00

wuhuu!

2009-07-17T02:45:00.003-04:00

this are the pictures on tuesday, during the karaoke session.
all thanks to safari, for treating everyone of us.
*yey*
venue: cashstudio,ming arcade.

i just want to be happy.
be happy with the way i are and the person i am with.(be it with a guy,agirl or a bunch of friends)
i dont want to feel as if im stuck,
i dont want to feel any heart aching.
i dont want to cry.
and worse still, i dont want to think of the past.

i feel as if im hating someone so much now.
urmm...

i wanna be miles away from love.
take me with you.
far far far away from everything.

i do ____ you.
like very much.
BUT
dotdotdotdot.

2009-07-15T12:08:00.004-04:00

Time checked: 12:13 am
currently waiting for mr R to go riding at 2am. Best kan nak kene tunggu till 2 am.
since hairul , the fierce men bike got problem than we got problem to go out.
wanted to go powerhouse actually!
abeh bile da jadi ajer, mr r texted me saying , " giler "
iskk.
(i dont want them to waste on cab fare . understand mr r . okay love you )

yesterday.
was supposed to go job hunting wit mr r but than cancel .
So as planned, meet up with elle and ain and spend our time at c l e m e n t i.
jauh giler ehh.
So elle came over my place 1st while i go siap2.
Than off to clementi to meet ain.

reached there around 3plus.
west coast thingy cancel.
So we slack, chill, laugh and everything.
mcm best gitu pasal si makcik ain ni mulot dier popet popet je.
hehehehehehe.
and most of the topic they talkin about i dont get it so i just ignore and keep quiet.
lol.

ain went off at 8pm.
Than me and elle went to cck to lot 1.
As usual, i'll be lost bcos its like west side area.
semenjak2 ni la, tak abes2 tau im around west area :)
Than saf called, he came down and meet us.

than waited for mr r.
and thereeeee he came.
:)
around 9plus, elle wanted to go off.
But than they decided to go karaoke at ming arcade beside hardrock there.
so since its saf treat, we went there.

terime kasih byk2 saf :)
and im happy that saf n mr r get back togather.
You know, mcm like ever since than its always the 3 of us you know.
and i hope things will really get better for them :)

so saf n elle cabbed down to ming arcade,
while me n roy ride down to there.
(the pictures is with elle. i'll upload it once i got it from her)

and you know.
Being with saf n mr r, u'll never get bored.
kan elle?:) baru jumpe da kenal lame.

:)
things ended at 230am like that.
smoke, chill and you know they got this thing like sukeeeee spot mistake around.

like elle, AMY SARCH PEE.
hahahah.
and saf dgn confident , " aku bile sluar n kat PENTAGON"
hahahahahahaha.
and oh ya, im doing "busimess" instead of " business"
hahahaha.
and this topic keepon going on and on.
sheesh.
so we went seperate ways.

mr r send me home.
andddd, done.
:)

today stay at home.
dad having dis sau sau attitude.

i miss clubbing with mr r.
be with you.
next week perharps?

sorri wannie cant club today!:(
okay done!

i dont own any enemy neither do i hold grudges on people.
i always forgive and forget easily.
errr, forget? depands la kan.
hehehe.

anw girls, i have fun with you yesterday walaupon pkpk balek aku rase w e i r d..
meet up soon again! :)
nights!

*namestobeadded* says:
so...
we know each other for quite a long tyme...
i kenal u since u maseh secondary lagi...
i promise u everything's gonna be perfect..
we gonna go through evry obstacle thick n thin togeter

if im not interested, means im not.im sorry mr.
:)

2009-07-15T05:19:00.002-04:00

stay tune!
will upload tonite waiting for elle to send me the picturesss!!!
:)

2009-07-13T12:31:00.001-04:00

maybe i shud stand up for whatever things ive said.
maybe i shud learn not to give in and forgive people easily.
maybe i shud learn to mean whatever ive said.
maybe i shud never let people see my weakest point.
and maybe i should not cry for people .

or care about people feelings that much.

Yes, i will regret for not letting you enter my heart.
bcos i know you love me so much.
its not that i dont want and i didnt try .
ive tried my best but it seems that things dosen work out.

Life still continue , right?
You can never know who is ure mr right.
So maybe u should keep searching and never stop haa.
and learn to let people who love you enter you heart.

sadly, im not that kind.
but i know, i cant think that way.
like, if i were to be with you; than you gona be with me till the end of my life.
oh dear;
whats happening now.

its common.
people come and go.
nevermind. i just wanna have fun and enjoy.
i dont wanna feel as if im being you know,
kongkong.

:)
its sunday today.
dad is having this sau-sau attitude.
Since ive been going out almost everyday, he's nagging whenever im going out and its irritating lor.
and im supposed to meet a friend of mine but yet, he asked me to stay at home.
and ive to listen to whatever dad say okay.
ive never go against his words.
so this explain, im home for the both weekend and today.
:)
but today, i got a called from..

mr dhan homies.
and mr neighbour is the one who called me.
if you are reading this, of cause i miss you more than i miss the rest.
bcos you are the closes to me, harry and even khairul.
You know, it have been a long time since ive last meet my kampong boys.

and just now when they called me to come down,
im happy to be with them.
and whenever it comes to my homies(kampon boys), im always on and will do anything for them last time.
They are like my babies.
i loveeeee them so much.
and please bear this in mind, u guys are the best and will always be the best man n friends okay.

and as usual, kalau turun tk kene kutuk kaannn tak sah.
gerammmm tau dgn ni ullie.
and somehow dad n mum did decide to move house.
and if this happen, im gona be sad bcos im gona lose the best mr neighbour.
:(

so we slack till 8pm.
then heed down to pasar malam and bough foooooodddddd (:
than over to my crib.
than ullie n fadirul when off.

time checked: 12:42am.
im currently talking with ain on msn.
hmmm, maybe we shall just put everything behind .

i got a tiff with roy.
and he asked me to fuck off.
maybe i should.
oh dear.
this wont end.

life still moves on.

2009-07-12T00:03:00.002-04:00

time checked: 12:03pm
Mr R called me when i was sleeping and i realize that i was just awaken by a dream.

him.yes.idreamofsomeone.

yesterday, i was on webcam-ing alone with mr r.
and when i was webcam-ing with him, i went through..
http://asyoursex.blogspot.com
and i share it with him .
suddenly, i cant help it and i cry when i was reading it.
from the first month from the archieve, till the end of it.
i feel silly.
i feel sad.
i feel angry.
i feel happy.
i just cant help it and cry.

Mr r told me,
"lynn. i know you still think about him. I know you still loves him. Dont give up ok lynn. Go. Fight for it. (= look at your blog lynn. From the first few month, ure fighting for the love. Go lynn. i'll be here to support you."

and i cried even more.

things will not be better or will be better mr.
Things have come to the end, where its already the end of us.
Bcos he have found someone else, and im so close with you mr.
You know how hard im trying.
I know you're getting sick of listening to my stories .
but i cant help it. bcos im in pain when im thinking of the past

next month, da bulan puase eh.
Im gona feel the pain even more, bcos it will remind me of last year.
I read back those old entries from my old blog.
i feel so pain.
its aching.
Again,im trying my best to look up and face the world.

sweet love to strong love.
strong love till it fade.
faded till its gone.
Even tho it hurts me to see you are loving someone else now and be with someone else now, im happy that u are happy. Im happy bcos u are no longer in a confusion stated.
And mr exboyfriend if you are reading this, whenever you feel like calling me or texting me when you are down or what; im always here for you even tho we are ............. okay . be it in few month time or years ok.
senyum-senyum selalu okay. i hope u'll last with the one you love.
remember, dont hurt her and make her suffer like how im facing tru now.
its hurtful okay.
:)

and to dearest Mr r.
you are a nice guy.
and somehow i feel that u deserve someone better.
But remember what ive told you on the 11 of july.
marked my words okay.

Im happy if the one that i love is happy.
i dont want to see people sad.

:)
now i thinking what to do for my future.
its time to work hard on it.

blog will be back to private soon.
take care deary..

2009-07-09T06:01:00.018-04:00

Wednesday;8ofjuly
(powerhouse)yet again... :)

As planned, munnie & afah came over to my place for dolling up.
And we decided to meet isha over there since she SAID that she was from school.
Shakz cuden "make it"
imah mia.
farrahrocher;with reason why she wasen around :)
so initially plan was the four of us.

Went off around 8plus.
Reach habourfront and had macd before clubbing while waiting fo isha.
Around 10plus, headed down to powerhouse..
bought drinks and waited for isha baby at smoking area.

To my and our surprise , SHAKZ CAME ALONG WITH ISHA.
OMG OMG OMG. i was fuckin happyyyy bcos i really want to get everybody back together you know.
and yala, me munnie and afah kene tipu lor.
isha say that she was from sch .
while actually she was at home waiting for shakz.
and they plan to make it a suprise.

and this is double the fun okay.
and we headed down to the dancefloor.

roy texted me.
and as usual, whenever i club nowadays he'll be there.
I told myself, i wont be surprise if i was dancing and saw roy and friends appear infront of me.
And while waiting for him and friend,

kita pun berdansa-dansa ya.
Shakz guyfriend was there too.
:)
i was so happy.
very very very happy and i bet the girls were so happy too :)

around 12plus, roy texted me and tell me they cant enter.
and i know this gona be like the next problem like the previous time when i hit club with stupid idiot marino n the gang with the gals.

i went out and meet roy.
He bring along his friend; sadiq (:
HELLO SADIQ.
and i tell you, i can get along with roy friend just so well.
and yar, i dissapointed afah and the rest i know bcos i told them i'll be staying outside and leave the girls in tha club.

i was the middle person you know.
& Than did i saw someone?
I think i saw a gal who is my ex bf galfriend.
tha gal who he called before, and asked her to text him saying dat she send the wrong msg. sampai nye hatiiiiiiii.maseh ingat okay :)
& she was looking at me.
But i didnt smile.
why shud i?
:)

and while i was settling with them outside,
i waited with them till 2plus till they can finally enter .
again, i was fucking happy lor okay.
:)
and when i was smoking outside,
i saw this group of guys smoking outside looking at me..
and he actually came to roy and asked whether he can enter or not.
and when i really look at them, they were actually my another ex bf friends as in budak kampong.
i feel so akward due to certain reason.
But i just ignore all those feeling and act normal.

Fun inside the club.
Fimiliar faces stop infront of me and asked me,
"ni sape ehh mcm kenal"
and i have to recall and recall and tadaaaaa, get the ans.
sheesh.

double and triple the fun.
R&B is the SEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

left around 4plus.
Shakz friends left.
so its just munnie,isha,afah,shakz,me,roy and sadiq.
We're like luffing awayyy and just simply enjoy the stupid conversation and jokes that make us luff like ffhff..

and thebapok who dance at the podium...
and lift up her dress and posing likee errrr idk how to describeeee only the gals will know.
she didnt wear underwear nor g-string or whatsoever and we saw PUSSYYYY!
omg its disgusting but i cant deny that this bapok are hot.

And when that bapok asked royyyyyy for his no.
i wasen suprise if he actually gave his no.

and i told him, " gooooooooooooooo.just gooooo." and smile.
:)

chill around at habourfront.
around 5am cabbed down to my place as e gals are sleeping over.
seperated from roy and sadiq.
and now, im totally shagged plus very very sleepy.

wednesday night was a blasttt.
tell me about it, am i trying my best to look up high and ignore the pain.

day by day,
i can figure it out why u are doing this to me.
and i didnt blame it at all.
;korban cinta.
:)

PICTURES.

munnie darla.

we;re wearing sungguh slack nak mampos.

shakz kimchi n isha baby

afah tk mabok ehh syggg.. :)

munnie n me :)

the sexy gal.

me & afah.

while waiting for ishaaaaa

munnie baby and afahh.

cute kan?

i like this.

strangers to friends.
:)

my blood. shakz kimchi.

babygirls.

dance dance and danceeee!

whats with that pose roy!

i like dis picture!

us .

rambot da masaiiii ok.

mind my face.hehehehehe

tadaaa!
done.

time checked: 7:03pm.
someone is taking back his bike.
and will be meeting me later after school.

friday.
some quality time togather.
cant wait.

saturday.
i hope im not gona "paitau" apish baby and might be meeting cheryl

.................................love..............................................

thursday;9ofjuly
stay at home day since im very very very tired and will be going out the next day, tomorrow FRIDAY!!:)

Friday;10ofjuly.
GILERA IS OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
since his bike is out, we actually decided to go to keppel bay.
but end up, carpark full .
terime kasih banyak2 ehh (:
He finishes work at 5pm.
and had some stupid arguement bcos of E R P.
and dad started to nagged at me already bcos ive been going out like everyday or so ever since than.

yeke?
but i think is trueee la kan.
bcos ever since he left me,
i club and keepon going out and i do realize that ive been spending my time outside and dosen have my time to talk with mummy.
accept for that day she suddenly asked me.
"what actually happen to you and fadhli" after ive cool down .
and i decided to cut down on clubbing and going out so i take it as today will be the last day(as in u noeee:) ) im going out and nampak nye i cant meet apish on saturday.
like again..........he'll think i paitau.

went out of house at 8plus.
roy look super smart todayy and i look so slack as usual until i feel so akward(and you know im e kind of lazy , v v v lazy to dress up until mcm aleh2 ade mood g2 eh.hehheh)
and he look good today you know.
the sound of his gilera bike is very very noise.
until when he come up my mum told him,
" i know is you bcos i dgr moto bising than u come up"
and mum actually tot he just pass his license.lol.
sengajekan nak pra2.sini da 1/2 da org bawak gilera..
actually no. its already biseng.
iskkkk

we went to marina barrage instead.
and you know this guy kan, he always asked his friend to join along or we meet his friends or what bcos we scared that we might get bored.
and i like being with him.
bcos we share alot of things.
about the ex boyfriend, about the ex girlfriend, about old life, about what we wanna become in future, about working things out together and blablabla.

i feel comfortable.
seriously. and sometimes i just wana cry when i talk about the ex boyfriend.
:(
but after marina barrage. we got into some stupid arguement and he asked me wher wanna go and stuff.
and i told him, since we're around here we go tempat near or what.
and he told me that he dosen like the way i am.
and simple, i told him that .. im used to my ex bf ways for the pass 18mth.
so mcm kalau nk buat mcm diri sendiri, it takes time la.
understand?

than we decided to go to BUKIT GOMBAK,
alif or donnoe what kedai makan.
da mcm org2 west side kan aku ni.
and when i step there, people look at me.
maybe bcos they can feel that org east dtg ke?
lol. like seriouslylaaaa.
sheesh.

time checked:1145pm
went over to his place since he wanna take something.
waited for him...
than called hairul to come down.
talk.joke till 3.30am.wahhh sampai so ngantok ok..

hairul: da kenal aku kan. aku nampak jee muke siak.tapi aku orite.klaka seram.
hahaha. bcos roy told him dat im afraid of him.
just cant stop luffing slacking with them until i get sleepy .hehehe.
i feel comfortable being around with his friends (:
than apish baby called! and roy and apish knows each other.
small world.
and we actually wanted to go cck to meet him tapi tk cukup time.
so around 345am, decided to went off.(he send me)

morning wind so colddddddddddd.
reached home.change.
and sleep.

roy is a very nice guy.
its only that he got this attitude than i dont like and i have difficulty in entertaining and trying to get used to it.
maybe as time pass by, soon i'll learn to get used to it and to the pain.
he've teached me how to be patience.
and even tho kadang2 kan when we argue, and when he keepon wanna encounter me till i cant say anything.. sometimes i just wish that i'll fuck him and just put down e phone.
but i keep quiet.
kadang2 sakit tauu hati but i told myself to be patience.
We've know each otha for sometime already.
and if i were to vent my anger at me, i'll feel bad.

when i look at him.
i asked myself,
"why am i being with him . i tot it was fadhli"
still, its just to soon. the pain is healing and im glad that somehow i finally know that he's getting well with that girl.
(:

saturday;11ofjuly
idk if apish baby coming over bcos im staying at home till next week.

hmmm.
thats all i guess?
:)

him: you sukerr moto ape.
me: ey. u kalau ade motor ke tkde ke i dont mind la. you think i minah tyre ehh.
him: nola .im asking you. tkkan u tk suke moto ape2?
me: gilera?
him: ohhh you suke moto i la ni.
me : excuse me la hello. nk suke dgn moto you buat ape. you yg tanye i suke moto ape.(mcm nak kate suke org nye bukan motor nye g2.hehehehehe.faham?:P )
him: hehehehe. but i want to change bike.
me: irritating. motor ape pulak?
him: r6!!!!!! atau scramble balek.
(and i think of fadhli. you know when i was with him, i still remember when we got back i asked him.. biler nk tuka gileraaa. then he say, tunggu u kasi duit uh.haha.cutekan.but i know he want r6.hais.mcm same je)
me: alamak. motor lain sudah.atau lawakan moto you ni ajer.
him:knape?
me: pasal i just find that r6 is heavy for you.thats it!!!!!!!!.
urghhhhh.
you get the topic here?

2009-07-09T00:46:00.000-04:00

will be back later for more.
stay tune.

2009-07-08T03:13:00.001-04:00

i hate to fall sick.
and i leave it till this friday.
and if i still didnt recover, im seeing the stupid doctor.
damn it.
migraine or what.
fucking shit.

2009-07-07T04:52:00.001-04:00

aku tak mengerti ;

2009-07-06T10:36:00.001-04:00

its going away noww.
the love , the pain is going away now!
oh please dont! dont! i wanna feel a lil bit off the love.
please.
this is the only thing i left a bit for him.
please.
:(

2009-07-05T08:45:00.002-04:00

me: baby, ni sape.?
(showing her the picture)
adriana: papa!
me : sape?
adriana : papa!
:(

that night,
i was awake by a horrible nightmare.
i teared, i just cant stop crying.
I cant even breathe. Seriously i cant even breathe.
The pain overtake me.
I cant even stop crying.
And that point of time, my mind was running out of you know.......
i dont know what to do.
It feels as if its the end of me, its the end of my life.
And i think of god.

i was sweating.
and the next morning when i woke up and i look at e mirror,
my eyes swells until i cant even see my eyes.

dear god.

2009-07-04T13:15:00.007-04:00

UPDATED!
again, if its a waste of time ..
go away okay (:

1ofjuly(wednesday)
i was otw to work when actually im being psycho by this bunch of people who really wants me to tagged them along for club.
i told them that i wanna cut down on clubbing.
and you know, it have been almost everyweek im hiting the club now adays ever since THAN.

well, im trying to set my mind free tho (:
so since im being pyscho and they are very good at it you know.
main2kan perasaan org ajer ehhh .
Than i decided to meet them at habourfront at 11plus.
i was waiting with sister.(zana)
and this guys where so super late to the core.
lagek2 tinggal west sideee.aduhhh! and roy bike was down lagek ever since e accident.
so we waited for nearly two hours.

we're fucking piss but we jusy you know try to control our anger.
There came the guys.
saf, roy and nazrul.

so we headed down to powerhouse.
(:
my friends told me that guys are being ban from entering powerhouse.
but just as i reach there, i saw alot of people entering the club already.
i can even see gold hair la, mat2 la okay.
so its like weird la. and even i can see YP also.
so i think, saf n nazrul mesti can enter what.
only dorg aje who look like "mat" lor.
lols.
:)

the song was totally ON.
the crowd was HAPPENING.
but TOO PACK.VERYVERY PACKED.
and i didnt expect to see some of my friends there.
huhu.

i was dancing with zana all along.
and i dont wanna create FIGHT like the previous day when i hit e club.
so , i just stay away from org org la kan.
and the best part is, LETS BATTLE OUR DANCE.
hahahaha!.
there's this guy who actually have been eyeing on us from far.
he's a chinese mix malay and he dance so well and he came over and you know battle with us.
zana did the battling and asked me to continue but i was wearing WRONG SHOE so i just luff and so nooo while they keepon pushing me.

badan dier sungguh lembut or what.
:)
and something greatttttttttttttttt happen on e dancefloor.
somehow i feel that there's loveeeeeee upp in e air.
and i didnt expect things to happen.
like, i was thinking and worrying about something and then someone actually appear and tell me he feels that wy too.!lol.

and just after 330am.
THIS IS WHENNNNNNNNNN the happening shits return.
went off at 415am.
cabbed back home with zana while e rest to somewhere else.

2july(thursday)
i didnt sleep just after i reach home.
did my stuff and afah baby came over my place.
it have been a long time since i didnt meet her okay.
and i miss her so much la kan.
but i didnt entertain her cause around 4plus like that i fall asleep while calling someone.
lagik-lagik hujan lebat .adui!
:)

she went home around 6plus.
than i text elle tot of meeting her.
than suddenly roy was around.
i was supposed to travel to bb but than it was nice of him to come over.
so i siap and all, around 7plus pm i went out of the house.

meet fara baby during her work break.
had dinner at makan sutra and chill session at esplanade river side.
we have a heart to heart talk.
and i keepon dreaming.
i was thinking.
i was missing.
i was wondering about someone.

and i was asking myself,
"what shud i do?shud i do dis?"

he was being so nice to me.
and around 1130pm, we bus down to hougang and he send me home and off to meet his client .

3july(friday)
i was sleeping and suddenly i hear mummy screaming,
"bangunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! keje tk today?"
she was actually calling me from my house door step okay.
i was sleeping and when i wake up , i saw roy at e doorstep with her.

i was thinking, " ni mesti ade hal with the ytd client bcos she's a bpok"
and he came in and talk to me and i knew it.

pagi-pagi da pening kepale ok.
settle down den he went off to meet his friend.
than he came back around noon and had durian with the family.
than around 7plus am, i went out with roy since he wants me to accmpy him to his office.

cab down to bb his place.
I DONT WANNA MEET UR MAMA.LOL.
den bus down to bb inter.
wahhh west side.i can sesat okay (:
den waited for saf.
last-last bukan pegi office.
pegi esp lagek.
knape?
pasal da lambat.

terimekasih eh .
:)
than had dinner at makansutra again.
than shit happen.

people just come and go .why?
*sigh*
than slack and settle things.
than since someone wanna be ego, we left him and around 1plus am ..roy and me head down to...

mustafa centre.
hahahahahahahahahaha
JALAN2 sampai mabok sampai 4plus than decided to go home.
tk ku sangke malam2 pon kawan2 aku pegi mustafa eh.
hehehe.

:)

4july(saturday)
was supposed to meet bestfriend apish farrell but again i cant make it bcos i have to go shakz open house at sengkang.
i know i dissapoint you alot apish,
im so sorry okay .
i will meet you asap la okay.
no worries baby
:)

i didnt sleep over like what they have plan.
due to certain reason.
i feel so bad you know.
and i bet those cousin must be having alot of fun over there yeah
:)

today,
5july(sunday)
s t a y at h o m e day.
im doing spring cleaning and it have been a week i didnt kemas my room.
can you just imagine that?
and im staying at home today bcos im to tired of gg out.

a misunderstanding occur with me and mr roy.
well, its up to you.
he is a nice guy.
but still, i dont u n d e r s t a n d him.
hmmmmm.

dats all.
too tired to type already.
:)

:rindu.

2009-07-02T13:22:00.002-04:00

some quality time with someone.
and yet im making myself confused now.
i suddenly feel lost.bcos things happen just so fast.
its because of you.
do you know that?
im glad that i feel much more better, but on the other hand im sad too.
bcos, i had never want this feeling to go away.

& you know that my dream is to be with you in future .

if im starting anew with someone.
maybe sooner or later or no.
my dream will be destroy.
bcos you know that when it comes to r e l a t i o n s h i p,
my mind and everything is different already bcos i'll start to think far.

somehow i feel that, maybe there's 20% hope to make my dream come true.
but well...

:)
I shall let god decide
(:

anyway, im thinking of finding a new job.
hmmmmm..

proper update will be back sooooooon okay.
(:

2009-07-01T23:01:00.005-04:00

Terime kasih banyak-banyak kepade muhd safari eh pasal semalam.
kalau tidak kerana lagu the anthem , saya tidak ada di mana saya ade berada semalam .
(org-org yg tau ape jadi je eh slm.hehehehe)
and Terime kasih la banyak-banyak , kerana buat KAMI tunggu awak untuk due jam eh.
suke tauuuu kite tunggu org sampai due jam lebih.
eeeeee benci benci benci tauuuuuu!!!!!
(:
and terime kasih for the chocolate kerane saye taula awak ni nak sejukkan hati kite kan.
hmmmmmmmmmm.

did i fall inlove on the dancefloor?
eeeeeee, ape eh perasaan smalam tuu.
:P iskkkkkkkkkk!!

KEJE SUNGGUH PENAT SKALI SLM.
HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH.
(terime kasih kak lina)

will update soon hor.
time checked:11:10am
im so tired and gg out again later.

ohh i feel like im in heaven.
whats happening?

because of you.

2009-06-30T10:42:00.005-04:00

When i look thru the way he respond to people,
it makes me hate him you know.
And when i see that he's happy with his life now, i hate him even more after what he had done to me.
Somehow, i wonder how the hell can i love him so so much.
how the hell can i always endure this nonsense .
HOW THE HELL can we be together at the first place.
But its okay, i just hope that one day god will open up his eyes.
And i just hope that one day, he'll come to his sense.

of cause i miss him.
i miss his laughter.
The way we always joke around.
But things are over now.
I am trying my very very best to ignore the pain.

Just like what i told roy, even tho i started to hate him, ive no regret on being with him for the 18month.Even tho he hurt me so so much, not only once.. Im trying to accept the fact that maybe we're not meant for each other. We've been tru hard shit together and all those good and bad times. All those things that ive planned..sigh..its down the road now.
Im still 19, and i know theres so many things are planned ahead of me. Who is the next person im going to be with?Am i gona be with someone new or maybe him or not or whatever, my life still continue right. (: i am trying my best okay to look up high even tho it hurts me so much. But what can i do, i just hope that he's happy and i dont want he to get confused again. And b, you know that i love you so much .i love you more than i lovemyself and anythings else; i hope that u'll find ur true love okay :(

Again, 1year 6month being with you,
i take up this as my love experience.
Now, it gona took me a hell lot of time to erase of everything .
sigh.
i miss you fadhli.

and here i wanna share to you something.
For those people who know the old zul & lynn,
this is the guy that have been with me for three years.
And you know, everywhere there's always zul lynn.
and even after our break up, i still remember where ive been receiving almost everyday phone call saying,"i saw ur bf with a GAL!" but actually we're off.
This is the guy that mum love so much.
And that point of time, i was just 14-17 yrs old.
I grow my teens life with him,
and his the only person who can endure my nonsense and i can sense the sincere love he have towerds me.
Just after our break up, he got someone new.
Yet till now, im happy that they are together.
and even tho that bitch mistaken me so much, its fine with me .

and i believe when we're togather at that point of time,
we have never planned about the future cause we're still very very very young.
And after he left me, he left a scar in my life..
and that is when i take up my past history as a lesson to learn.
Nothing will bring us back.
and ive never think of being with him again in future.

When i was with fadhli, it took me 4 mth to get rid of faizul from my mind.
Its very very hard for me to move on and at the end of the day,
i did move on.
With someone that i love so much , so deeply.

So now, i leave it all to faith.
If his mine, he'll always be mine.
and you know boy, u are the men that i wanna be for my future.

life still moves on for us right.

So just take a look,
im uploading dis for fun okay.

this is faizul. During his 19th birthday!
and now, im 19 and im so grown upp already.
LOL.

We/everybody call us the sexylove.

When i think back of it,
i luff you know.
:)
how silly things can turn out to be.
(:

tomorrow is wednesday.
my schedule fo work this week is wed-friday.
and weekend i got plan with my friends.
But maybe i shud join the cousin sleepover.
i shall see how.
Am sure we gona have fun.

Hopefully my pay is out dis saturday.
i wanna partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
wuhuuuu.
hehehhehe.
yala, today org2 yg 21and above duit gst da masok kan.
KANINA.
lols.

time checked:11:08pm
bagos jugak eh cerite jihan ni.
:)

2009-06-30T01:56:00.002-04:00

just as im singing,
i can feel that my heart is bleeding.
and i just miss him so badly.
dear god; i hope that u can open up his eye n heart.